4 Ways To Build A Long-Lasting Relationship, From A Psychologist

Real-life relationships that last decades look vastly different from those portrayed in popular … [+] media.

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In long-lasting relationships, true love requires more than the initial spark of excitement and attraction. Resilient love is not built solely on passion, but consistent effort. When the initial thrill fades with a relationship’s highs and lows, amidst daily chaos and stress—it’s commitment and mutual respect that sustain couples, guiding them through life’s storms with unwavering dedication.

Here are four vital signs of a healthy and realistic relationship that contribute to its stability, satisfaction and longevity.

1. Lasting Relationships Are Not Always Equal

Equality in a loving relationship doesn’t mean both partners are always on an even keel; it’s about maintaining a dynamic balance. When one partner falters, the other steps in to provide support. Compromises and sacrifice are essential components of any resilient relationship.

Compromise involves settling differences through mutual concessions, which are discussed and accepted by both parties. This doesn’t mean one partner is always giving and the other taking. Instead, it’s about mutual understanding and support, ensuring both partners feel valued.

Mutual support in a relationship also doesn’t mean one person is solely responsible for holding everything together while the other falls apart during tough times. Rather, it signifies that one partner provides stability and support to help the other regain their strength and balance—not just out of obligation, but out of deep respect and love. At the same time, it is essential that partners strive to better themselves for both their own sake and their partners’, to create a true balance.

Otherwise, a partner who continuously gives in the name of unconditional love can end up feeling empty and burned out. The unaddressed resentment that builds up over time may eventually lead to the breakdown of the relationship.

2. Lasting Relationships Require Mutual Trust

Feeling safe enough to share anything with your partner is the cornerstone of a healthy relationship. This safety allows for openness and vulnerability, fostering deeper intimacy. This also ensures that no significant issues are hidden, which strengthens trust and keeps the relationship honest and resilient.

Research suggests that mutual trust and honest communication reduce relationship anxiety and avoidance over time. When you and your partner trust and support each other’s goals and values, there’s no need to hide anything or avoid difficult conversations.

For instance, sometimes, individuals in long-term relationships prioritize their partner’s needs and desires over their own. They might give up a job to have a child or move to another city for their partner’s career. This is okay, but it’s crucial to be honest with yourself about what truly matters to you. If something is important, communicate your needs and find ways to compromise that work for you both.

It’s unrealistic to expect that both partners will have identical wants and desires throughout their relationship. Instead, recognize that your paths will sometimes diverge. During those times, express your needs clearly, but always with respect and an open mind.

3. Lasting Relationships Embrace Individual Identities

Contrary to the popular saying, “you complete me,” which suggests that individuals are incomplete on their own and only become whole when they find their partner, lasting relationships thrive when partners come together as complete, independent individuals to create something greater than themselves.

In such relationships, people do not stay together out of desperation, insecurity, a fear of loneliness or simply because everyone else is doing it, but because they genuinely want to be together. This union is built on desire and commitment, not necessity or obligation. A partnership formed with the mindset of “I want you” rather than “I need you” is infinitely more empowering.

So, each partner must meet their individual needs and stay true to themselves before prioritizing their partner, as one cannot pour from an empty cup. When both partners maintain their own lives—indulging in hobbies, meeting friends and pursuing personal passions— they can form a relationship that feels rejuvenating instead of draining.

Embracing a growth mindset allows couples to thrive individually and helps their relationship flourish. They share new experiences, learn from each other and grow together. This self-fulfillment strengthens the foundation of a relationship.

4. Lasting Relationships Are Mindful

Couples often argue over trivial matters. Constructive approaches to managing conflict and regulating emotions during heated interactions are a core part of lasting relationships. Rather than trying to win an argument, a long-lasting couple focuses on mindful conflict resolution.

A 2022 study published in Current Issues in Personality Psychology found that romantic partners who practice mindfulness in their relationship, by being non-judgmental, present and non-reactive in conflict, are more likely to be satisfied and experience closeness in their relationship.

Researchers highlight how encouraging a dialogue to resolve conflicts, valuing mutual openness and considering all possibilities to alleviate tension is a helpful approach to conflict resolution.

Unhelpful strategies include escalating conflict by engaging in negative behaviors such as using criticism or verbal aggression, or more passively, by ignoring one’s partner and spending less time together. This only exacerbates tension and causes damage to the relationship.

Cultivating a long-lasting relationship requires a deep, enduring commitment to one’s own and a partner’s well-being. True resilience in a relationship is found through the continuous nurturing of trust, respect and individuality. By embracing the inevitability of change and viewing challenges as opportunities for deeper connection, couples can evolve together and build a foundation that stands the test of time.

Curious whether you and your partner resolve conflicts successfully? Take this test to learn more: Ineffective Arguing Inventory

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