This as-told-to essay is based on a transcribed conversation with Rebecca Cafiero, 44, from Palo Alto, California, about deleting work-related communication apps from her phone. The following has been edited for length and clarity.
Living in Silicon Valley, I see people who are crazily connected to their phones, especially people in startup mode who feel they need to be all-in with their businesses.
I’m a serial entrepreneur. My current focus is a business growth accelerator called “The Pitch Club,” which I launched in September 2020. I coach female entrepreneurs on getting more visibility. At the moment, I have three part-time staff.
My team uses Slack to communicate. I use Voxer and text to message clients. Back in 2020, I noticed I would pick up my phone dozens of times during the day to check Slack or emails, feeling like I needed to stay connected to my business. Sometimes, I resented my business because I couldn’t get away from it.
What really got me to change things was a moment from two years ago. I was on my phone, and my son, who was six then, wanted me to play a game with him. I kept telling him to wait a minute, and eventually he started crying. I felt terrible. My child needed connection, but I was showing him that my device was more important. I knew it was time to do better.
I started by setting screen limits and eventually deleted work-related communication apps from my phone. It’s made me feel better about my parenting and more focused on my work.
I decided to delete work-related communication apps from my phone after experimenting with it at a retreat
I initially set screen time limits on my iPhone so that I couldn’t use my communication apps during certain hours of the day. The issue was I could still pick up my phone and press “ignore limit,” so it didn’t bring significant change.
In October 2023, I attended a fully immersive retreat for entrepreneurs. I usually don’t schedule calls during retreats and consider myself out of the office. However, I was in the middle of a situation where I needed to fire one of my clients.
I decided to email her about parting ways, but I knew that if I had Gmail on my phone, I’d be constantly refreshing it under the table, waiting for a response. I wanted to be present at the retreat, so I deleted the app and didn’t check my emails until I was back in my hotel room that night.
I noticed I was really present throughout the day because I couldn’t check my email. I kept the app off my phone for the rest of the retreat and felt more connected than usual.
When I got home, I deleted Slack and Voxer from my phone. I told my clients I’d be checking emails less frequently and to text me if anything was urgent.
I spend more quality time with my kids
Within the first few days, I felt I had more mental peace and thinking space. I hadn’t realized how much space these apps were taking up, but now I had time to listen to podcasts and audiobooks in the time I would have spent scrolling; I got through two or three books in the first 10 days. This productivity has plateaued a bit since then, but I’m still listening to more audiobooks and podcasts than I was before.
I started to feel more present as a mom. Instead of checking my phone while making breakfast, I get stuff done faster, which has created a more enjoyable morning routine for us.
I’m getting my kids out the door earlier and can walk my daughter to school instead of driving her because we aren’t rushing as much. The quality time has really strengthened our relationship.
My son and I play a board game almost every morning, and my husband and daughter join sometimes. I didn’t think I had time for that previously because my time was getting sucked up with checking my phone.
I reply to work messages on my desktop and feel much more focused
I haven’t really experienced any downsides to my decision. My team and clients all think it’s been a great move for me, and several have been inspired to follow suit.
I used to wake up and check my emails immediately, but I no longer let communication apps control my day.
I’ve adjusted by setting dedicated time slots in my calendar for when I’m going to reply to people using my desktop. Usually, it’s 30 minutes during the day and 30 minutes at the end of the day for responding to emails and planning the next day’s priorities. I don’t often check my apps outside those times. Instead of checking my emails multiple times an hour like I used to, I probably check it four or five times a day.
I used to think I was great at multitasking, but I’ve realized all I was doing was switching my focus between tasks, so I was always in a state of shallow focus. Now that I can have a set block solely for replying to emails, I feel more intentional about what I’m doing.
I used to reply to messages on my phone or computer during calls with my team members, which was rude — I’m much more present now.
As business owners, we often tell ourselves we need to be constantly available to solve things, but it’s not helping our happiness, and it’s disconnecting us from the reasons we work in the first place.
I’ve since deleted about a third of the apps I used to have on my phone, as I felt I wasn’t even using them. I still have some apps I use for work purposes, like ChatGPT, Google Drive, and Calendly.
This is now how I run my business and I have no desire to go back to being on my phone 24/7.
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