When I was a new mom, it seemed like every well-meaning stranger in a grocery checkout line would turn to me and remind me to enjoy the infant and toddler days because they’d go “so fast.” Their warnings terrified me, and I wondered what life would be like when my babies were teenagers. Would they still need me? Would we get along? And what would the dating years be like for me as a parent?
Today, I have a 16-year-old son and a 14-year-old daughter, both of whom have been in relationships and gone on dates. To my surprise, the dating years have been a joy and have actually brought me closer than ever to my kids.
My kids talk to me about the ups and downs of dating life
Whether they’re trying to figure out whether or not someone “likes” them or observing friends’ relationships from afar, entering the dating world has opened up new conversation topics with my teenagers.
Around the dinner table, we chat about what’s going well in their relationships and what needs improvement. Driving in the car, we talk about which friends are starting relationships and how they feel about these new developments. While the conversation has changed from the latest animated film to more serious topics, it’s been rewarding to discuss tough things with my kids.
Terri Peters has helped both her kids through breakups.
Courtesy Terri Peters
Through break-up texts and broken hearts, I’ve been able to support my kids
I’ll never forget the dinner when my son asked my husband and me for advice on how to end his then-relationship or sitting by his side a few days later when he communicated his feelings to his now-ex-girlfriend over text.
On a recent vacation with my husband, my daughter went through a major breakup, and although I felt physically far from her, as I was in another country, being able to text with her and offer support only brought us closer. It means the world to me to know my kids trust me and will accept my help when things get dicey.
Watching my kids go through relationships provides lots of opportunities for us all to learn
Within the last year, both of my teens have had their first serious relationships — and also gone through their first big breakups. Walking with them through the happy and sad times these relationships brought into their lives taught me a lot, too.
It’s been interesting to learn when to keep quiet and listen, and when to offer advice, or to test how much they want to hear about what I do or don’t think is OK in their relationships. I’ve learned to follow my kids’ lead, and it’s paid off by bringing us closer. It’s also been a surprise to find that their breakups were difficult for me to go through, too.
Terri Peters has enjoyed seeing her daughter experience her first relationship.
Courtesy Terri Peters
Observing my kids’ dating life has shown me what cool humans I’m raising
Something I wish more older parents told young moms in the grocery store is this: Yes, your kids will grow up. Yes, it will feel like time flew by. But there are so many rewarding moments in raising teenagers if you’re open to accepting your kids for who they are and learning alongside them.
Years after my days of dragging toddlers through Target have ended, I am fascinated by what cool human beings my husband and I raised. Seeing my kids date and be in relationships hasn’t felt like “losing” them but instead has made me feel even closer to them as I continue to help them grow into adults.
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