Deepa Andleigh didn’t want to burden her adult sons as they raised families and pursued careers.In 2020, Andleigh moved into Priya Living, a Bay Area retirement home rooted in Indian heritage. Andleigh, 73, finds it “wonderful” to be surrounded by like-minded peers and to have independence.
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This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Deepa Andleigh, a 73-year-old retired bank worker who in 2020 moved into Priya Living, an assisted-living community grounded in Indian heritage but also open to individuals of all races and religions. The essay has been edited for length and clarity.
I am retired and have lived in the US for about 50 years.
My family and I lived on the East Coast for about 23 years, and I have been living in the Bay Area since 1994.
I have two boys. My younger son attends Berkeley University, where he is working for his MBA. He likes warm weather so he’s here in Saratoga, California. My oldest son likes the cold, so he attended Cornell University and received his PhD from the Massachusetts Institute of Technology.
When COVID first happened, I had gone through a divorce and was living with my son in Saratoga.
Andleigh, her son and grandchildren.
Courtesy of Deepa Andleigh
In November 2019, I went to India for my nephew’s wedding — I am very close with my family there.
When it was time to return to the States, all the airport’s flights were canceled due to COVID. I was stuck in the country for almost 10 months. When I eventually returned to the US, there was no vaccine yet, so my son worked from home, and my grandkids had school classes in the guest room.
I realized maybe I needed my own room.
My sons and I had heard about Priya Living, a retirement facility Arun Paul started because he wanted something independent for his Indian parents. My daughter-in-law contacted Rachna Patel at Priya, and they spoke on the phone for almost 40 minutes. I was outgoing, so they determined that I would fit in at the facility.
At first, I was skeptical and pushed my son to show me a recording of the facility. I’m glad I did because there was an apartment I liked, which they were nice enough to give to me. I moved in September 2020.
It didn’t take long to feel at home
Priya Living is in Santa Clara, driving distance for me to visit my kids.
My son lives about 15 minutes away in Saratoga, so I see my grandkids every weekend and on vacations.
I have a one-bedroom apartment that has its own kitchen. My rent here is about $3,000 each month.
The Bay Area is expensive. All the residents at Priya are here because at least one of our children lives in this area; otherwise, we wouldn’t be living here.
Andleigh (6th from left) and residents of Priya living.
Courtesy of Deepa Andleigh
Living at Priya is just like renting a one-bedroom apartment. I buy my own groceries and cook my own food. I don’t like to cook every day, so I’ll make a couple of curries to last the week.
Priya is an older facility, but we have a young man here who’s kind of a jack of all trades. If a screw comes off or a toilet is not working, he fixes it. He’s also here half a day to help people who don’t drive, and once a week he takes them to a grocery store.
There is no prep time to get assimilated here, you need maybe two days to get to know everyone. You just become friends so quickly, learn the culture, and the dos and don’ts — saying thank you and minding the fire laws.
A lot of us may be from different parts of India, but culturally we’re not that diverse. It’s wonderful to be a part of a similar age group and be able to talk to people without any inhibitions.
I feel independent and sociable
I have lived in the Bay Area since 1994, so I have a car and my old friend circle in Saratoga. At the facility, people say I’m never around because I like to meet up with my friends.
The social aspect is really nice. You know how housewives and mothers are, most of us have served our families our entire lives. I’m staying alone now, and it’s nice not to be guided by any routine.
I try to go for a walk for 45 minutes every day, or I sit in the courtyard. I like the fresh air. In the evening, I watch “Jeopardy!”, read or write. Right now I’m reading Barbra Streisand’s autobiography.
Deepa Andleigh
Deepa Andleigh
On Wednesdays, my friends and I at the facility have chai tea and bring snacks — It’s like social law. People at Priya also celebrate Christmas, Diwali, or birthdays. When that happens, we typically have food catered.
From time to time, we will also have singers come and perform for us. We have performers who come to do pageants, as well as our grandkids when they are on vacation.
I hear there were a lot more activities here before I moved in, but with COVID, everything naturally got restricted. We are all mostly up to date on our vaccines though.
A picture of Andleigh at 12-years-old with Jawaharlal Nehru, the first Prime Minister of India.
Courtesy of Deepa Andleigh
We all have good days and bad days here.
I’m the second-youngest resident. In the past three years with COVID, I think people have aged a lot more. It hurts to see an ambulance pull up for somebody who fell. I thought growing old would take longer, but it’s happening faster than expected.
People should be open-minded about retirement homes
People who don’t believe in retirement homes have to realize that their children have their own lives.
Some people might think that since I live so close to my son and don’t live with his family, we don’t have good relations. That is not true.
Andleigh and her family.
Courtesy of Deepa Andleigh
When you live in the US, you realize it’s different. It’s not easy. Staying together in a joint family was the Indian tradition, but it’s not always practical. Kids have their own lives. It’s not that they ignore us — they just have their own priorities.
A lot of the residents here at Priya know that their kids will be there for them whenever they’re needed. We prioritize our health to ensure they can enjoy a normal life. Still, if I ever need my sons, I know they will be here in a jiffy.
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