I have never had a problem living below my means, until now. My problem is extravagant friends and family members who think differently than I do, post on social media and want me to continue to vacation with them. I have no problem saying no to $16,000 plane tickets, $800 hotel rooms, $22,000 cruises and such, but they keep asking.
When one friend made a fuss over wanting to fly business class, I threatened to cancel completely. I am not poor, but I am a single senior without a rich husband — or any husband for that matter. I’m helping my grandkids with college and have three properties to maintain. (I have no debt or mortgages.)
I’m weary of repeating myself to these friends. As a result, I often don’t answer their calls and I now pretend to be busy when they ask me to go on vacation or to an expensive restaurant. Do we have to live in a world where everything should be displayed on social media? How do I deal with rich friends, and with rising prices?
The “Poor” Friend
Related: ‘I’m torn’: Is it creepy to give my 13-year-old daughter her late grandfather’s iPhone number?
“True friendships, like fruit in a pesticide-free farm, grow organically or not at all.”
MarketWatch illustration
Dear Friend,
Those 529 plans for your grandchildren are worth their weight in gold.
You can negotiate with retailers like you can negotiate with friends — which sometimes just means saying no. Walmart
WMT,
-0.05%,
Ikea, McDonald’s
MCD,
+1.19%
and Starbucks
SBUX,
+0.09%
— among others — have all expressed concern about consumer demand. In April, the consumer-price index rose 3.4% on the year, with food, gas prices, shelter and energy costs topping the list.
Let’s start with the friends, and then we can move on to the prices. Friends who don’t take no for an answer come in all tax brackets. They’re not just wealthy, which is relative. After all, a friend who makes $1 million or more a year may be the “poor” friend if their social circle travels in private jets and their nearest and dearest have trust funds to fall back on.
As a society, we have been brainwashed into thinking that it’s a positive and healthy sign for someone to post about their best life on Instagram, Facebook
META,
+2.05%
and TikTok, and that people who don’t brag about their vacations and visits to five-star restaurants are somehow the oddballs who can’t be trusted are best avoided.
“The average U.S. household spends $270 a week on groceries.”
Some of my favorite, most down-to-earth friends have no social media accounts and are just as happy (or happier) sitting around a kitchen table with a home-cooked meal as they would be posting photos of their lobster salad while on vacation on the Amalfi coast. You can live in the moment and have a high quality of life, and still have a comfortable retirement.
There is a fine line between self-centered and narcissistic people. The former might be clueless as to the impact of their actions, but they will listen when you say, “I can’t afford to spend $800 on a hotel room.” The latter need to be in control, lack empathy and are manipulative and emotionally abusive. Your friend group may include both types.
When your well-heeled friends realize that you cannot not drop everything at a moment’s notice and fly to a luxury spa in Mexico or a villa in Italy because you have a little thing called work or pesky responsibilities called bills, they will fade away. True friendships, like fruit on a pesticide-free farm, grow organically or not at all.
Negotiating higher prices
As prices rise, people are struggling to make ends meet. Take this letter: Friends go for dinner and one person, who orders a cheaper dish, asks for a separate check, yet is regarded as a skinflint. For some folks, saving $10 can make a big difference to their budget. (The average American household spends $270 a week on groceries.)
I don’t buy coffee at Starbucks or its rivals like Black Press. It makes no sense to spend $5 on a coffee. I prefer my coffee burned and strong from a bodega or, better yet, from my own coffee machine. And yet some bodegas in New York City charge $10 for a large freshly-squeezed orange juice. If I don’t buy that one coffee and OJ, I can buy a pack of razors.
People are learning to get smarter about their spending. Total consumer credit rose at a slower pace in March, according to Federal Reserve data released last week. Consumer credit rose at a 1.5% annual rate, down from a 3.6% rate in the prior month. Credit-card borrowing barely budged, rising just 0.1% in March after a 9.7% increase in the prior month.
“People are getting smarter about their spending.”
We all need to reassess our “needs” and “wants.” It could be a Tesla Model 3 or a used GT-R. It could be a Fabergé egg, aluminum siding or a $30,000 necklace. Or it could be a $45 Stanley water bottle, which sums up the sheepish folly of some American consumers right now. (Tesla
TSLA,
-2.01%,
for what it’s worth, has been cutting prices for many of its models.)
A friend told me last week that she cut $80 off her cable bill by telling the rep on the other end of the line that her “husband” was giving her grief over the bill. The female customer-service representative empathized and helped her lower the bill. (Sexist? Yes. Opportunistic? Sure. Particularly as the woman in question actually has a wife.)
You don’t have to “like” your friends’ latest house renovations on Facebook. If you choose to overlook such conspicuous consumption, it does not make you a bad person, especially when there are people fighting for every cent to pay the rent. And by helping pay for your grandchildren’s education, you’re making a social-media-free investment.
Because of you, those kids are already rich beyond their wildest dreams.
Previous columns by Quentin Fottrell:
My father ‘deliberately and hurtfully’ cut my late sister’s two kids out of his will. How can I ensure they get their fair share?
‘They left nothing except junk’: My brother emptied our father’s house. It stands empty years after his passing. What can be done?
‘My brother and sister are villains’: My siblings took control of my late mother’s estate and won’t reveal the contents of her trust. What do I do?
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