A good saying is powerful — it can lift the mood, give inspiration, and teach us the wisdom of life. And with added witty humor, there is always room for self-reflection that can let us see things from a different perspective. Therefore, we have created an amazing list of more than 100 funny quotes that will definitely make you smile, but will give you some food for thought, too!
Whenever you feel an extra humor boost, read some funny quotes!
«Whoever established the high road and how high it should be should be fired.» — Sandra Bullock«I like my money where I can see it: hanging in my closet.» — Sarah Jessica Parker«I’m killing time while I wait for life to shower me with meaning and happiness.» — Bill Watterson«The suspense is terrible. I hope it’ll last.» — Oscar Wilde«Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?» — Robin Williams«My ability to turn good news into anxiety is rivaled only by my ability to turn anxiety into chin acne.» — Tina Fey«Don’t be so humble — you are not that great.» ― Golda Meir«If you can’t be kind, at least be vague.» ― Judith Martin«Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet service to see who they really are.» — Will Ferrell«I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.» ― Rodney Dangerfield«I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not sure.» ― Tommy Cooper«People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.» ― Isaac Asimov«Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.» ― Jim Carrey«I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious.» ― Michael Scott (Steve Carell) in The Office«I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.» ― Oscar Wilde«I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.» ― Rodney Dangerfield«I’m not a vegetarian because I love animals. I’m a vegetarian because I hate plants.» ― A. Whitney Brown«I’m an idealist. I don’t know where I’m going, but I’m on my way.» — Carl Sandburg«I intend to live forever. So far, so good.» — Steven Wright«I’m not lazy, I’m on energy-saving mode.» — Unknown«I don’t need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.» — Unknown«I’m so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed.» — Unknown«I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.» — Unknown«I’m so broke, I can’t even afford my free time.» — Unknown
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«Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.» — Mark Twain«If at first, you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.» — Steven Wright«A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.» — Bob Hope«No man has a good enough memory to be a successful liar.» — Abraham Lincoln«I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.» — Jackie Mason«If two wrongs don’t make a right, try three.» — Laurence J. Peter«I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.» — Phyllis Diller«I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.» — Edgar Allan Poe«If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.» — Dalai Lama«My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She’s ninety-seven now, and we don’t know where the heck she is.» — Ellen DeGeneres«I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.» — Lily Tomlin«A clear conscience is a sure sign of a bad memory.» — Mark Twain«The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax.» — Albert Einstein«I’m not addicted to chocolate. Chocolate is addicted to me.» — Unknown«If you’re going to do something tonight that you’ll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.» — Henny Youngman«I’m not clumsy, I’m just testing gravity.» — Unknown«I’m not shy, I’m just holding back my awesomeness, so I don’t intimidate you.» — Unknown«I’m so old, I remember when emojis were called ’hieroglyphics’.» — Unknown«My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do.» — Unknown«I don’t need anger management. I need people to stop making me mad.» — Unknown«I’m not short, I’m fun-sized.» — Unknown«The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.» — Mark Twain«Believe you can, and you’re halfway there.» — Theodore Roosevelt«Happiness is not something ready-made. It comes from your own actions.» — Dalai Lama
Courtesy Everett Collection/East News
«I’m an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house.» — Zsa Zsa Gabor«We may encounter many defeats, but we must not be defeated.» — Maya Angelou«No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.» — Aesop«Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving.» — Albert Einstein«The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.» — Walter Bagehot«Joy is not in things; it is in us.» — Richard Wagner«Laughter is timeless, imagination has no age, dreams are forever.» — Walt Disney«Wherever you go, no matter what the weather, always bring your own sunshine.» — Anthony J. D’Angelo«The only source of knowledge is experience.» — Albert Einstein«Believe in yourself and all that you are. Know that there is something inside you that is greater than any obstacle.» — Christian D. Larson«The way to get started is to quit talking and begin doing.» — Walt Disney«Life is what we make it, always has been, always will be.» — Grandma Moses«Success is not final, failure is not fatal: It is the courage to continue that counts.» — Winston Churchill«The power of imagination makes us infinite.» — John Muir«Do not wait for leaders; do it alone, person to person.» — Mother Teresa«Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all.» — Helen Keller«The more you praise and celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate.» — Oprah Winfrey«Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.» — Theodore Roosevelt«The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched — they must be felt with the heart.» — Helen Keller«Happiness is not by chance, but by choice.» — Jim Rohn«Change your thoughts, and you change your world.» — Norman Vincent Peale«The secret of getting ahead is getting started.» — Mark Twain«I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.» — Groucho Marx«The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it.» — Oscar Wilde
«I am free of all prejudice. I don’t like everyone equally.» — W.C. Fields«A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.» — Steve Martin«The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.» — Groucho Marx«I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.» — Groucho Marx«Spread love everywhere you go. Let no one ever come to you without leaving happier.» — Mother Teresa«A pessimist is a person who has had to listen to too many optimists.» — Don Marquis«I don’t need you to remind me of my age. I have a bladder to do that for me.» — Stephen Fry«Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.» — Oscar Wilde«A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.» — Lana Turner«Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.» — Mark Twain«In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity.» — Albert Einstein«My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn’t pay the bill, he gave me six months more.» — Walter Matthau«I’m all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let’s start with typewriters.» — Frank Lloyd Wright«There’s a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.» — Oscar Levant«The only time to buy these is on a day with no ’y’ in it.» — Warren Buffett«All generalizations are false, including this one.» — Mark Twain«I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done.» ― Steven Wright«I’ve had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn’t.» — Patrick Murray«I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.» — W.C. Fields«The man who says his wife can’t take a joke, forgets that she took him.» — Oscar Wilde«I don’t believe in astrology; I’m a Sagittarius, and we’re skeptical.» — Arthur C. Clarke«If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.» — Earl Wilson«The trouble with being punctual is that nobody’s there to appreciate it.» — Franklin P. Jones«Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy. Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.» — Michael Scott, The Office
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«Age is of no importance unless you’re a cheese.» — Billie Burke«Keep your face always toward the sunshine—and shadows will fall behind you.» — Walt Whitman«You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.» — C.S. Lewis«The only way to do great work is to love what you do.» — Steve Jobs«Every moment is a fresh beginning.» — T.S. Eliot«The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.» — Eleanor Roosevelt«Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful.» — Albert Schweitzer«The only limit to our realization of tomorrow will be our doubts of today.» — Franklin D. Roosevelt«It’s not whether you get knocked down, it’s whether you get up.» — Vince Lombardi«When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive—to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love.» — Marcus Aurelius«Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.» — Dr. Seuss«The greatest glory in living lies not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.» — Nelson Mandela«The most wasted of days is one without laughter.» — E.E. Cummings«The happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your thoughts.» — Marcus Aurelius«You are the master of your destiny. You can influence, direct, and control your own environment. You can make your life what you want it to be.» — Napoleon Hill«Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement. Nothing can be done without hope and confidence.» — Helen Keller«You are the hero of your own story.» — Joseph Campbell«Life is a journey, not a destination.» — Ralph Waldo Emerson«The sun himself is weak when he first rises, and gathers strength and courage as the day gets on.» — Charles Dickens«The best way to predict the future is to create it.» — Abraham Lincoln«You must be the change you wish to see in the world.» — Mahatma Gandhi«With the new day comes new strength and new thoughts.» — Eleanor Roosevelt«To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.» — Dr. Seuss«A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.» — Phyllis Diller
Which funny quotes appealed to you the most? Which one would you save in your collection? It is always nice to enrich yourself with new things that make you richer and happier! Interested in reading more of similar things? Check out our next article!
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