Increasing your self-confidence will benefit you professionally if you are a leader, manager, sales representative or even a regular employee. Self-confidence is something without which it is hard to lead a happy and structured life. Knowing how to increase your confidence can make a 360-degree difference to you, and in this article you will learn 7 basic principles to help you do just that. Enjoy your reading!
Define your own values and framework
To gain confidence, you need to stop chasing illusions. Stop comparing yourself to what others demand of you. Or, worse, to what you think they expect of you. Start by defining your own values. What is important to you? Why is it important to you?
Start acting on those values. When defining your values, do a thorough analysis. Do it in depth. Ask yourself: what does my culture imply? And why? Do I agree with it? What did my parents teach me? Do I agree with this? And why? And so on. Get to the core of your thoughts and feelings.
By reading, discussing and reflecting, you can work out your set of norms and values. Use your own instincts, feelings and reasoning. Recognise the influence of group dynamics. This will ensure that you do not blindly follow the herd. Independent thinking means creating or choosing your own path in life. Use multiple sources to refine your thinking and values. Read books and blogs. Lead discussions and conversations, while always being critical and using common sense. Confident men and women define others by their standards. Not themselves by other people’s standards. Create your own moral compass and be guided by it.
Cultivate a positive attitude
“Sow a thought and you will reap an action, sow an action and you will reap a habit, sow a habit and you will reap a character, sow a character and you will reap a destiny.”-Frank Outlaw
People have this extraordinary power to decide how they feel about events. The little pause between stimulus and response. Nurture that little pause. Use it to choose a more positive response. Direct your reactions away from irritation, anger or fear. Instead, choose interest, gratitude or excitement. You can actively reformulate your thought patterns. Practice other ways of thinking and speaking. Examples of changing the way you look at the world are:
Thinking about solutions rather than problems;
Reflect on past achievements instead of past transgressions;
Enjoy the process instead of seeing only the goal;
Never let a good crisis go to waste;
Focus on what you want instead of what you avoid.
Of course, there will always be old negative thinking patterns. Try to use them as infrequently as possible and actively immerse your mind in positivity. Read uplifting books. Use mantras to programme your brain. Walk away from toxic people and environments and embrace those that uplift. All these small steps lead to being more optimistic and confident.
Forgive yourself and others
We all mess up in life. It’s good to remind yourself of your mistakes every day. And make you feel very unhappy. No, of course not! You should learn from your mistakes, but not recall them throughout your life.
Wallowing in negative feelings will not help at all. There is not much you can change about past events. It has already happened. Instead: Acknowledge it, fix the problem if you can, forgive yourself, learn from it and move on. Don’t waste time and energy on self-pity. Take the time to forgive yourself for your mistakes. Also, stop harbouring resentment. It is not good to constantly get angry or sad at others for their mistakes. Let go of them and you will free yourself from emotional poison. Forgiveness allows you to focus on the present and future rather than the past.
Get rid of limiting beliefs
When we grow up, we create models of the world. We construct beliefs to explain what happens around us. X happens because of Y. End of story. These beliefs can be deeply ingrained in our thinking. However, many beliefs are wrong. They limit our progress and possibilities. They prevent you from acting and enjoying life. Go beyond these mechanisms. First, recognise them. When you think “I can’t do X because of Y” or something similar be alert!
Analyse whether this statement is true, and why. Reflect further. “Why do I think that?”, “Don’t other people do the same?”. Find evidence of this by contradicting the original limiting belief. Then redefine them because the ones that have been imposed on you will limit you. Instead of thinking I can’t do this. Think I can do X despite Y. This is a difficult and elusive problem – but it can be countered!
Move from external to internal reference
There is compelling evidence that social media makes people feel bad. Why does he get so many likes? Why does she go to cool events, etc.? Similar behaviour can be observed in the real world. Why is he richer? Happier? Or more successful? Strange how we make these unfair comparisons. We look at appearances and then compare them with what we feel inside. We compare our inner self with the pampered image of other people’s outer self. This is a good recipe for unhappiness.
Stop this unfair comparison. Instead, focus on yourself. In order to grow, ask yourself what progress you have made compared to your former self. Did I do better than I did a month ago? Or a year ago? Have you made progress? This is success! Progress in your own development is important for self-confidence. And who is responsible for this self-confidence? Who is responsible for your successes? And who is responsible for your failures? Where do you think the control lies?
Confident people think it lies within themselves. They have developed an inner sense of control. This means that they take responsibility for their actions and results. You think you are responsible for how you feel and what you think. Compare this to blaming external actors for everything. For example, your boss, your parents, the weather or God’s will. If you don’t think you are responsible, you won’t be willing to improve. Making yourself responsible will do that. Certainly some things are out of your control, but you are responsible for your reactions to these events.
Adopt a growth mindset
As mentioned, growth and confidence go hand in hand. Standing still means going backwards. A fatal flaw that people are prone to is thinking that their skills and character are immutable. This deterministic way of thinking is incompatible with progress. It is a limiting, self-fulfilling prophecy. If this is the case for you, start adopting a growth mindset.
Know that you can improve any skill! Know that you can develop your character! As long as you are alive, your body and mind can adapt to new challenges. Never think that you cannot continue to develop. What’s more, a healthy growth mindset recognises failure. It takes many sketches before you draw the Mona Lisa. Define failure not as something silly or unpleasant only for losers. Define it as part of the learning process. Failures will happen. Anticipate their consequences and plan how to recover from them! Every failure is another lesson learned.
Stop looking for validation and approval from others
As a person driven by inner values, you will not need attention, validation and acceptance from others. You can receive it. You may even derive pleasure from it. You don’t need it! Stop actively seeking and desiring them. Stop pleasing people in order to receive them. You can be nice to people! Of course! However, this should not come from a position of strength and compassion. Not from a quest for acceptance and attention. The most important thing is your own acceptance and moral integrity. Others can follow suit if they wish. If you condone behaviour contrary to your values or give up status to be accepted. You are acting without integrity. You lose confidence in the whole process. Instead, stick to your values!
Conclusion
Changing your mind and heart can be very hard because as humans we tend to do things that are wrong and unfavourable. On the other hand, if you succeed, you will still have ups and downs in your life, but you will also have a consistent level of contentment. Confidence is the anchor of stability that keeps you on track despite problems. You can make positive changes with a few steps:
Define your own values;
Start a meditation practice to control your mind;
Stop compulsively wasting time on social media;
Read more books and watch developing films;
Live in honesty with your own principles.
Of course, by applying the above tips, you don’t have to give up all your pleasures and indulge in full rigour, and your friends will always see you with a book in hand or on your mat while meditating already. If you have a hobby, indulge in it. Relaxation is very important in a person’s life because it allows you to loosen up and relax.
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Live your life, find time for pleasure, but also try to implement the above principles, and in a short period of time you will see the qualitative leap that will occur in your life. We hope you find this article helpful!
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