Overview
Best dating app for gay men
Grindr
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Best dating app for liberals
OkCupid
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Best opening lines dating app
Lex
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Best astrology dating app
NUiT
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Most people have at least one horror story about online dating. It’s basically a rite of passage — one that single people love to hate.
But the horror stories look a little different for members of the LGBTQ+ community. On top of the classic awkward Hinge date anecdotes, one-night-stand shoe thefts, and screenshots of a corny bio seeping with secondhand embarrassment, gay singles deal with all sorts of alienating interactions.
Baseless questioning of sexual history, harassment, and fetishization — some of it coming from cis straight people who shouldn’t have popped up in your feed in the first place — don’t exactly give off the butterflies-in-your-stomach feeling.
Still, dating apps have become crucial means of introduction for gay folks looking to settle down. A 2019 Stanford study and 2020 Pew Research survey found that meeting online has become the most popular way for U.S. couples to connect. This rings especially true for gay couples, of which 28 percent met their current partner online (versus 11 percent of straight couples).
But the Pew survey also dredged up those ugly experiences with harassment. This could be where specific gay dating apps (like HER and Grindr, for instance) come to the rescue. Their perfectly-tailored environments are so well-known in the gay community that they’re essentially in a league of their own.
Is Grindr the only option for gay dating apps?
Though Grindr and HER are big players, they’re not alone in the queer dating app market. Apps like Zoe, Taimi, and Scruff exist. But their plateauing popularity can be attributed to similar complaints: Too many scam profiles and too few legitimate users. Chappy was another promising app for gay men that shut down just as it was gaining serious traction.
At the end of the day, sometimes going for a popular dating app can be your best bet for a gay dating app — since that’s where queer users actually tend to mingle in the biggest numbers. Keeping Tinder on the back burner isn’t just a straight people thing (especially for those who live in less-populated areas where Grindr and HER offer slim pickings). Plus, some mainstream apps do deserve credit for the steps they’ve taken to create a more inclusive atmosphere. Tinder, Bumble, and Hinge now offer lots of sexual orientation and gender identity options. OkCupid gets kudos for enforcing that change years ago, as well as making social justice a core part of compatibility scoring — which kind of self-curates the type of people one encounters on the app.
How to choose the best gay dating app:
If you’re part of the LGBTQ+ community and are looking for love online, you’ll find you actually have some pretty decent options these days. About time, right?
Depending on if you’re looking for something serious, a hookup, something that stays strictly online, or an altogether different definition of connection, there’s an ideal queer dating app out there for you. We’re here to help you parse through the offerings and pick the very best, based on your intentions.
Grindr
Best dating app for gay men
Who it’s for:
You know its name: Grindr brands itself as the world’s largest dating app for gay, bi, trans, and queer people, but it’s particularly the ideal gay paradise for men tired of Tinder and looking for experienced partners.
With a dearth of functional trans-specific dating apps on the market, it’s no wonder the app attracts a sizable segment of this population. Instead of swiping to match, you’ll get a collage of people who are close location-wise. As soon as you hop on the app, it’ll be quite obvious that there are a ton of men out there waiting to talk (confirming that whole “many fish in the sea” thing).
Do note that Grindr lacks the boundaries other apps provide — most users just looking to hook up will let you know that they’re not in it for small talk. (BTW, that warning may come in the form of a dick pic and not in as many words.) The app has a history of not being so welcoming to bisexual users, and it isn’t exactly known for being free from racism, either.
That’s not to say it’s not for relationships — a lot of men meet their forever person on Grindr — but on the surface, it’s a tool for quick, casual encounters. FWIW, men in small towns with a meager queer population are likelier to find a connection here than on Tinder or OkCupid.
Why we picked this:
Grindr is the gay dating app for men, but the company is also an advocate for the LGBTQ+ community as a whole. The company has conducted some pretty illuminating research about its international users: Leading to The Grindr for Equality campaign, which advocates for the sexual health and safety of LGBTQ+ people in unsafe countries. Major props for that.
OkCupid
Best dating app for liberals
Read our full review of OkCupid.
Who it’s for:
OkCupid’s slogan is “Dating deserves better,” and they’re damn right — especially for the gays and the theys. Though it’s open to gay and straight people, the veteran dating site has shed the heteronormativity that still somewhat plagues eharmony and Match. It’s hip and well-informed, while also maintaining a more intentional atmosphere than Tinder.
Time and time again, OkCupid proves to be the blueprint for inclusivity in online dating. In 2014, OKC rolled out 22 gender and 13 orientation choices — years before such changes became a priority for competing sites. As of summer 2020, all users can choose their pronouns.
Why we picked this:
OkCupid’s redesign was deeper than hiring a clearly Gen Z graphic designer. The brains behind the overhaul understand that for young, left-leaning singles, a partner’s politics are more serious than “If we agree, that’s great. If we don’t, that’s fine, too.” Users can weed out people they’d hate by answering deal-breakers about things like keeping guns in the house or schools requiring children to be vaccinated.
Connections on the app are strengthened by an algorithm that picks matches based on how similarly both parties answered questions during sign-up (yes, there are questions about communication, sappy relationship things, and political views). A compatibility score plus details on where you disagreed are helpful padding when evaluating what differences are make-or-breaks or, instead, things to carefully brush under the carpet for the time being.
If you’re really trying to get results on this app, OKC offers profile “boosts” for a price, which can apparently increase your matches up to five times.
Lex
Best opening lines dating app
Who it’s for:
We love an app that cuts the bullshit. In this case, the bullshit includes cisgender straight men. Lex (short for Lexicon, formerly known as Personals) is a genuinely cool social app for queer, trans, gender non-conforming, two-spirit, and non-binary people.
The specific demographic positions Lex to offer a more peaceful experience than “everyone” apps like Tinder and Bumble, but the way it introduces users (as lovers or friends) is another level of niche.
Why we picked this:
A nod to ’80s and ’90s erotica magazines like On Our Backs, Lex users meet by posting personal ads about what (or who) they’re looking for, relationship-wise. The ads are a chance for folks to showcase their wit and be straightforward as hell. Personals can get pretty horny, and everything rests on language — because photos aren’t allowed. Users can link an Instagram account if they want, but the pressure of posting the perfect selfie to sucker someone in is gone. Plus, it’s much harder to get catfished.
Gay Reddit users who miss Craigslist will enjoy the “find an ad you like and appeal to said ad” approach. If someone’s interested in starting a band or planning a protest rather than f*cking, they can — and both have happened, Lex founder Kell Rakowski told Allure.
Lex allows you to sort the ads by categories like “Hookups,” “Dating,” or “Missed Connections” — so there will be no surprises as to the content you’ll find on the app. Other big pluses of Lex include the fact that it often hosts in-person mixers for those who live in major cities and that the company just got a new CEO (meaning more add-ons to the platform are likely incoming). A major recent upgrade? The ability to view posts from anywhere in the world with the Lexplore weekly or monthly pass.
NUiT
Best astrology dating app
Who it’s for:
NUiT gets two things very right for queer people: It nixes the need for the notorious “What time were you born?” question and won’t force queer people to see (or be seen by) straight people.
The creators at NUiT know that, for many, birth charts can be a wildly helpful tool in maneuvering the dating world by predicting how well you’d mesh with someone — in aspects like argument style or the importance of sex. NUiT also accounts for the nuances in different combinations of placements outside sun signs. It encourages daters to use astrological compatibility as insight to understand why a match might act the way they do, but does so while avoiding the overly-simplistic “What fried food you are based on your zodiac sign?” quiz energy.
A little bonus is that this app is fully and completely free. Sure, it’s prone to crash many a time, but at least you won’t fear missing out on the cooler, paywalled features.
Why we picked this:
Creators of NUiT also recognized another thing that turns queer users off from heteronormative dating apps: They don’t want to see or be seen by straight people. Sure, Tinder and OkCupid have their share of well-meaning allies — but the lack of shared experience as a queer person can make or break a relationship’s dynamic. Such a feature has been a long time coming as dating apps increase their focus on inclusivity, and people on Twitter are pretty psyched about it.
HER
Best dating app for gay women
Who it’s for:
Given the existence of Grindr and Scruff, the need for an online dating arena specifically for queer women was clear. Hence, HER entered the scene. The founders of this award-winning app are committed to cultivating a space “so ragingly queer” that frustrated women can delete apps that don’t feel like home.
As the user base of over 4 million grows, HER could widen your dating pool beyond the queer women you already know (crazy idea, right?). In 2019, HER revamped its profiles to let users get more creative in categories like gender, sexuality, pronouns, diet preferences, and star signs, as well as a “What does this mean?” field in the sex, gender, and pronoun categories. Joining niche groups in the Community tab — like “Non-Monog” or “LGBTQ+ Parents” or “Asexual” — can also connect you with people using the app for similar reasons.
Why we picked this:
Aside from coupling up, a lot of HER regulars are looking to make friends or scope out the queer community in a new town. Switching over to the community feed opens the door to virtual hangouts: With self-curated groups for queer POCs or interests like the new lesbian films that mainstream Twitter will probably ignore. You can even get a heads up about a local LGBTQ+ event or gauge interest in an event you’re planning yourself.
Tinder
Best dating app for hookups
Read our review of Tinder Platinum.
Who it’s for:
Of the 75 million people who actively use Tinder each month, not all are straight dudes holding up fish. Queer and trans folks head to Tinder because its dating pool is colossal — almost as colossal as queer people’s collective yearning for authentic connection (real).
Tinder pioneered the now-ubiquitous swiping function: Revolutionizing the world of online dating and boasting billions of swipes per day. You’ll probably see your neighbor or even someone you work with on the app. (Awkward! Predictable!) However, if you’ve exhausted your chances with all of the queer people you know in real life, this is probably where you can find the highest number of gay locals — especially in smaller towns.
It is a more heteronormative app, so marking that you only want to see men or only want to see women doesn’t necessarily guarantee that a straight person won’t slip through the cracks of your feed. It’s also a breeding ground for unicorn hunters and male trolls who submit false complaint reports about trans women on the app.
Why we picked this:
Despite all this, Tinder has made notable efforts to be more inclusive by partnering with GLAAD to personalize swiping (e.g., “show me people of the same identity first”) and ensure it better meets the diverse needs of the trans community. With more than 40+ gender options, users can feel more confident swiping through potential matches. And, with the app’s Relationship Goals feature, members can display a badge on their profile to let the world know what it is they’re looking for.
Hinge
Best dating app overall
Who it’s for:
Young people looking to at least go on a few dates with the same person instead of immediately beelining to a friends-with-benefits situation was a blind spot for swiping apps… until Hinge blew up. The premise and user base might be in the Tinder and Bumble realm, but these three aren’t interchangeable. Hinge’s unique profile criteria and algorithm based on that criteria set matches up for real-life potential. Some 90 percent of users say their first dates were great, and 72 percent are down for a second date.
Why we picked this:
Instead of cheesy questionnaires and spam emails about the 50 “winks” you’ve received, Hinge uses icebreakers to help you find people on the same wavelength. Instead of swiping, connections are made by liking or commenting on another person’s answers or photos. Prompts range from “Two truths and a lie” to “Does hiking on a Sunday morning seem viable to you too?” Conversations are hidden (but still retrievable!) after 14 days of inactivity to keep the focus on matches who are taking meeting seriously. Paying for Hinge also lets you filter by political views or recreational drug habits.
Hinge users experience more genuine queer people (and less unicorn hunting) on the app compared to the other big players — which is why queer folks come back to the app time and time again.
Feeld
Best poly dating app
Note: As of Dec. 7, we are temporarily pulling our recommendation for Feeld due to bugs with their recent app update which caused users’ exact locations to be shared and deleted the accounts of other users without reason. You can learn more about these issues, along with others that occurred due to the update, from Mashable’s Anna Iovine. We take safety very seriously when making our recommendations, and will reevaluate Feeld’s place on our list if and when they resolve these issues.
Who it’s for:
With more than 20 sexuality and gender choices, Feeld covers a solid chunk of the LGBTQ+ spectrum. The app is for open-minded people to explore their relationship desires in a safe place. You can create a profile for yourself or with your partner if you want to bring others into an existing couple. There are even group chats if you’re involving more than one other person.
The app is free, but if you upgrade to a Majestic membership, you can see who has liked you, add private pictures visible only to your matches, and access more extensive privacy options.
Why we picked this:
Feeld is an app for people still trying to explore their sexuality and who aren’t 100 percent sure what they want. (You can even use a pseudonym if you want!). It’s also an option for kinky and (ethical) non-monogamous types looking to have a good time. Plus, according to user reviews, Feeld doubles as a support group for those just dipping their toes into the poly lifestyle.
Bumble
Best Tinder alternative
Read our review of Bumble Premium.
Who it’s for:
Bumble first became famous because it requires that women make the first move. A profile on this app lets you write a bio, answer prompts, include photos, fill out basic info like your job and education, and add flags indicating factors like what type of relationship you’re looking for/whether you want kids/etc. Plus, you can connect to Spotify to let people see what you’ve been jamming out to (music, after all, has a lot of matchmaking potential).
In same-sex matching, either person has the power to make the first move, but there’s a 24-hour time limit to start the chat after you match with someone. In Bumble chats, you can even send GIFs (which you can’t do on Hinge, fun fact).
Why we picked this:
We really like that Bumble disrupts the normalized dating ritual of men messaging first. For queer users, this isn’t always the most relevant feature, which is why we also appreciate that it encourages actually chatting with your matches. To ensure inclusivity, Bumble partnered with GLAAD — a media advocacy organization advancing LGBTQ+ acceptance — to provide a safe space for everyone (yes, including folks who don’t identify with the LGBTQ+ community).
Those who identify as “non-binary” can choose from various descriptors, including but not limited to agender, bigender, genderfluid, and gender non-conforming. In addition to its gender identity choices, Bumble lets you pick the gender of who you’d like to match with.
Here at Mashable, we regularly test dating sites to provide our readers with the most up-to-date and accurate information. We also thoroughly investigate the features and functionality of each site/app to ensure we’re giving a comprehensive review, from signing up to the actual user experience.
We test by creating various profiles — some complete and others blank — to see how each app and site handles different levels of info from users. So, if hundreds of matches are generated with incomplete profiles, we take note (as it may indicate a lack of quality control, bots, and fake users).
Additionally, we consider the diversity and inclusivity of each platform we’re testing: Including whether or not it caters to the LGBTQ+ community. Apps on this list with linked reviews have been hands-on tested by Mashable staff writers or freelance writers with experience researching/writing about sex & relationships.
As of Dec. 7, we’ve temporarily pulled Feeld from our recommendations due to serious safety concerns related to sharing users’ exact location and deleting user accounts without cause that occurred during the app’s recent update. We are in the process of reevaluating their place among our list of recommendations.
Leah Stodart is a Philadelphia-based Senior Shopping Reporter at Mashable where she covers essential home tech like vacuums and TVs as well as sustainable swaps and travel. Her ever-growing experience in these categories comes in clutch when making recommendations on how to spend your money during shopping holidays like Black Friday, which Leah has been covering for Mashable since 2017.
Leah graduated from Penn State University in 2016 with dual degrees in Sociology and Media Studies. When she’s not writing about shopping (or shopping online for herself), she’s almost definitely watching a horror movie, “RuPaul’s Drag Race,” or “The Office.” You can follow her on X at @notleah or email her at [email protected].
Miller Kern is a New York City-based Deputy Reviews Editor at Mashable, where she writes and edits reviews of tech products including headphones, skincare devices, laptops, sex toys, e-readers, robot vacuums, and more. She has five years of experience writing buying guides, gift guides, and deals, and covering shopping holidays like Prime Day and Black Friday. Miller can tell you which products are actually worth your money. She also explores trends in the shopping sphere, such as dupes and viral TikTok moments.
Tabitha Britt is a freelance writer, editor, SEO & content strategist. Aside from writing for Mashable, Tabitha is also the founding editor-in-chief of DO YOU ENDO — a digital magazine by individuals with endometriosis, for individuals with endometriosis. She has a Master’s degree in Creative Publishing and Critical Journalism from The New School of Social Research and is a grad of Sextech School. You can find more of her work in various online pubs, including National Geographic, Insider, Kinkly, and others.
Stacia Datskovska is an NYU journalism major (graduating this December). Her work has appeared in USA Today, Boston Globe, Teen Vogue, HuffPost, Bustle, and more. When she’s not writing something or other, Stacia can be spotted crying over poetry, making a home-cooked meal, or walking on an NYC pier. For her more half-baked thoughts: @staciadats on Twitter.
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