A woman, 24, has recently turned to Reddit and told about the situation that she has with her girlfriend. She loves her a lot, but there’s one thing that adds a grain of salt to their ideal relationship. The woman revealed that her girlfriend has a very poor hygiene, and she initiated a talk about this already. But the reaction of her partner is quite weird, and the woman wants to know what she’s doing wrong in this case and what other people would do on her place.
The woman noticed the strange behavior of her gf on the first date.
A woman has spoken about a problem that occurred in her nearly ideal relationship. She posted on one of Reddit’s communities and asked people for advice. She started her post, saying, «I don’t think I’m in the wrong here, but maybe I’m being unreasonable, I don’t know.»
She then told people the backstory of the conflict. She wrote, «I 24F have been with my gf 22F for about 2 years now. She’s wonderful and I love her a lot. On our very first date, something I noticed was that she didn’t seem very concerned with cleanliness.»
The woman thought the first red flag was when they had a snack together. She explained, «We ended our date by grabbing a snack that she wanted us to bring back to her place. We got there, and she immediately started taking everything out without washing her hands.»
The woman thinks this habit is ruining their relationship.
The OP explains that she couldn’t accept this without noticing.
She wrote, «Maybe I’m just a clean freak, but this surprised me a little. I brushed it off until she excitedly tried to get me to try some charcuterie jelly she had. She did this by dipping her finger directly into the jar and holding it out for me to try.»
This mess made the woman really sick. She wrote, «At this point I felt pretty icky about it and jokingly said something like „and get a taste of all that stuff we were touching earlier?“ (We were out and about, public transit, etc.). She seemed a little embarrassed but agreed that was a little gross, but still didn’t wash her hands. This was the first day we knew each other.»
Things are already getting too far in their duo.
The woman goes on with her story, saying, «To this day, I have not witnessed her wash her hands with anything more than water. And even that takes me asking multiple times. She will go about her whole day, use the washroom, etc. without washing her hands.» The desperate OP can’t stand this habit anymore. She notices the absence of elementary hygiene rules everywhere in their life.
She wrote, «She loves finding „treasures“ when we’re walking around, like abandoned toys, household stuff, clothes, etc. even if they are visibly very dirty. She touches everything and anything, doesn’t wash her hands. She also showers maybe twice a week, doesn’t use soap there either. The ONLY time she washes her hair or uses soap to clean her body is when I literally do it for her, which she says she enjoys.»
The woman is concerned about her and her partner’s health. She explained, «This wouldn’t bother me so much if it weren’t for a few things: she likes to cook for me, she loves to dip her fingers into jars and drink straight from bottles instead of using silverware and cups, she touches my face a lot, and to be honest, she stinks. And onto my main point, she is ALWAYS sick.»
Her partner’s reaction to hygiene talks is also quite bizarre.
The woman admitted, «She tends to be very sensitive and gets very upset if she thinks that I’m implying that she’s gross in any way, so I try to be as gentle as possible when encouraging her to wash herself. Eventually, I guess I got fed up when she was complaining about being sick again, and said that maybe the reason she keeps getting colds and other illnesses is because her hygiene isn’t very good.»
And the reaction was very strange. The OP described it, saying, «She got really quiet, cried a bit, and now she thinks that I think she is disgusting and cries whenever I bring up washing hands or anything like that. She used to just laugh and brush it off, but now she seems to be really upset by it. I don’t know what else to do, and I feel like a bad person. But I don’t think I did anything wrong, either.»
Reddit people delivered their opinions in the comments.
The users mainly supported the woman and gave her some of their opinions. One person wrote, «She will only use soap when you wash her body and her hair for her? That’s a big problem and is unacceptable. At her age, she should know what proper hygiene is.»
Another person added, «There are some cases when it’s better to be gentle with someone, and others when it’s necessary to be firm and uncompromising. Hygiene is one of those. OP, you need to sit her down and tell her point-blank that her hygiene is not good enough.
If she gets upset („you’re calling me gross!“), don’t rise up to the argument. Stay calm, and keep telling her to listen. Keep listing the issues (the handwashing, the showering, maybe food prep, etc.). Tell her that her health issues can be directly related to her hygiene issues. Tell her what you expect from her and why, and what consequences you’d enforce if she doesn’t follow suit.»
Another user said, «I have debilitating depression. My hygiene can, at times, become non-existent. I would say it’s either that or she just has never ever been shown how to clean herself. Which is still pretty weird.»
And here’s yet another story from a woman, who also has something to tell her partner. He insisted on them having a paternity test for their kid, and she has something in her mind for when the results come.
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