Parenting requires dedication to our children and making sacrifices for their well-being. However, as kids grow up, there will be times when their choices may not align with our preferences as parents. This can sometimes lead us to feel unappreciated for everything we’ve done for them. Recently, a dad experienced a feeling of disrespect from his only daughter, who opted not to grant him the privilege of walking her down the aisle. Feeling both shocked and disheartened, he felt compelled to respond.
He wrote,
“I (46M) have 1 daughter (26F) whose mother (my ex-wife) ran off when she was 7 and then came back when she was 15, claiming she wanted a relationship. My daughter gave it a chance, and she claimed to have gotten really close to her new stepdad. Apparently, he is a really cool guy and likes similar things to her, like hockey, and also plays guitar like my daughter. I initially thought it was great that she was bonding with her stepdad and her mom…
Now, my only daughter is soon getting married to her fiancé (30M) who she has been dating for 4 years. I pitched in for the wedding as did her mom, upwards of 25,000 dollars. However, the day drawing near, she told me that she has chosen her new stepdad to walk her down the aisle, as they have ‘really bonded over the past few years.’ Despite being shocked, I didn’t react at all.”
He added,
“But I do have something in mind. On the big day, I will not show up at all, as I can’t accept being disrespected like this. If she wants to be a happy family with her mom who abandoned her for 8 years, she may go for it, but she should count me out.
It wasn’t either of them who went to all her hockey games. It wasn’t them who paid for her tutoring for exams. It wasn’t them who went through the financial hardship of working 3 jobs until she was 17 to support both of us… And it wasn’t them who was here when she got her milestones. It was ME!
I won’t be telling my daughter that I’m not attending her big day. I just won’t show up!”
Other Redditors shared their viewpoints, with some backing his choice and others faulting him for not discussing it with his daughter beforehand.
As someone who grew up in a similar situation, I can’t even imagine. I was practically adopted by my grandparents since my bio parents are/were incompetent. I still have a relationship with all of them, but my grandpa will be walking me down the aisle when the time comes.
I refuse to give my sperm/egg donors credit for what my grandparents did, and my grandparents know that I see them as my de facto parents. My mom moved back into the state when I was 18 and tried acting like a parent when she was gone for 15 years… I can’t imagine just ditching my grandma and forgetting everything she’s done for me! © artificialif / RedditIt’s clear that you’ve absolutely been there for your daughter (supporting her with your attendance and finances, always prioritizing her) but I do have to ask; have you been emotionally available as well? Have you had deep conversations with her, and do you open up to her and listen in return?
If not, or if not really, maybe you should start doing it now. I have no idea of the relationship you have with your daughter, but the fact that you don’t feel comfortable having this conversation (and you’d rather just not show up and not tell her) concerns me and is why I’m thinking this might be worthwhile advice. © incognickto / RedditTalk to your daughter! Tell her how you feel and ask why she chose him over you. She might not realize how important this is to you, and if you just don’t show up without telling her why, that doesn’t make you better or right. I hope you know that.
Give her the benefit of the doubt and just talk to her. I understand that you’re upset as your daughter didn’t even explain why she is having her stepdad walk her down the aisle, but you’re still her dad, and you should initiate a conversation with her. © No-Entertainment-728 / Reddit
Anyone could understand your perspective, “I couldn’t bear to watch that, it would break me.” Let them figure out what that means. And maybe stepdad should pitch in money instead. © HotRodHomebody / RedditI’d send her this post. It tells her how you feel, and I’m sure a lot of people agree with your sentiment. Especially since you pitched in 25k for the wedding.
Your daughter isn’t an 11-year-old who is choosing a weekend with her stepdad over you, she is an adult, and this is a one time event. She is saying her stepdad is more important to her, it’s insanely disrespectful. You need to let her know that this isn’t a small deal. © Huge-Connection954 / RedditGoing to the wedding and watching the stepdad walking her down the aisle would likely be extremely hurtful. You’re doing the right thing, not wanting to subject yourself to that kind of heartache. For your own peace of mind, you should stay far away from this huge slight your daughter has chosen to inflict on you. © PresentEfficient9321 / Reddit
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