A man, whose name’s Jake, 29, wrote us a letter and described a problem that he currently has in his family and cannot solve. The issue might seem insignificant at first sight, but in the man’s family it has become a real source of quarrels between Jake and his wife. She flushes her tampons down the loo, and Jake thinks it’s a huge problem, whilst his wife has her own arguments to support her choice.
Jake often encounters his wife’s tampons in the loo.
Jake began his letter saying that he and his wife, Helen, both 29 years old, have lived in love and harmony for 3 years already. He wrote that he and his wife are best friends, and they have no domestic conflicts at all. The man explains that they both are the fans of neat and clean atmosphere in their house, and they invest pretty much time and effort in keeping their home a really cozy place.
The only problem that’s arisen between them, is that Helen flushes her tampons down the loo. It frustrates her husband, and he thinks it’s a big issue. The man wrote that sometimes Helen’s tampons just don’t flush, and he sees them when he uses the bathroom.
The situation has been going on for the entire period of time the spouses live together, and Helen doesn’t see it as a problem at all and never admits she’s in the wrong. Jake emphasizes that his wife just won’t stop doing it. The man confessed in his letter that for him, it’s quite disgusting a sight when her tampons are in the toilet. At first, he tried to ignore the problem, and when he saw them he just joked to her, saying, “Guess what kind of ship I’ve found floating in our loo?”
The “tampon case” has now escalated in the family.
Jake goes on with his story, saying that no matter how hard he tried to treat the issue with a grain of humor, it still remained a problem for him. And he started talking about it seriously with his wife. He explained to her that, apart from feeling not very well at the sight of used hygienic objects in their bathroom, he had one more concern. He told her that he’s also worried about the environmental impact that such actions cause, explaining to Helen that technically, things that are made from cotton, can clog the sewage and then further cause even more problems.
For Helen, all his words seemed just a mere talk. She had her own arguments in this confrontation. Once, she said to him, that he simply cannot understand her, because he’s a man and she’s a woman. She added, “No periods, no talk.”
Jake sincerely doesn’t understand why Helen won’t just wrap her tampons up and put them in the bin, as that’s how he imagined most women deal with them. But Helen said that was even more unhygienic.
Helen’s mom even accused Jake of having “unhealthy prejudices.”
Jake goes on with the story, saying that what recently seemed a question for family discussion and compromise, now has grown into an unhealthy debate. Even more members joined the growing conflict, such as Jake’s MIL.
Helen invited her mom to a family dinner, and then she and Jake again had this talk about a floating tampon, in the presence of his in-laws. Helen’s mom was totally appalled that Jake pays so much attention to “normal things.” She said that her son-in-law had a distorted view of periods in general and that he should have treated his wife and her “menstrual habits” with more respect.
Jake explained that he isn’t against tampons at all. On the contrary, he has a strong belief that such things should be totally normalized and men should treat this subject with a full tolerance. But he says that the only thing he doesn’t consider normal is a tampon floating in the toilet. He tried to explain this to his MIL as well, but got no understanding. He asked her if she does the same in her house, and she said no, but that was a matter of choice and his reaction was a sign that he’s not satisfied with his relationship.
Helen found out that Jake wrote to us and wanted to express her point, too.
Recently, we’ve received another letter, it was from Jake’s wife, Helen. The woman found out that her husband wrote to us previously and wanted to say a couple of words about her vision of the problem.
In fact, Helen doesn’t consider this a problem at all. She wrote that her husband doesn’t fully understand what it’s like to be a woman and to have a period. So, she has never really wanted to discuss this issue with Jake in the first place.
However, her main point of self-defense was that she would never deliberately leave those tampons in the toilet. But the flush in their house isn’t that great, so sometimes they just float on the surface. She wrote that Jake prefers to dance around and express his frustration whenever he sees a tampon floating in their loo.
She also mentioned that it is always her job to take the garbage bins out, so she’s less keen on putting tampons in the bin as this makes her feel sick. The woman said that she would rather flush them away than have to see them again.
The woman agreed that tampons are really bad for the environment. But she told Jake before that she buys only organic, compostable tampons, as these are not harmful for the environment. The woman insisted that this is why she doesn’t want to stop flushing her tampons away, and she is completely sure that her husband should not bring it up every time he sees one.
We’d advise Helen and Jake to find a compromise.
We are grateful to Jake and Helen for their trust and for sharing their story with us. We see that their couple is very happy, and the spouses want no further conflicts in their family.
We’d advise Helen to double-check that the tampon is flushed down the toilet and doesn’t float on the surface. And our advice for Jake would be to assign himself to a task of taking away the rubbish. This way, he could suggest Helen to wrap the tampons and throw them in the bin, and she won’t have to feel sick while taking out the bins.
And here’s another story about tampons, but this time these hygienic objects became a part of a real detective story with a happy end.
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