Tragic reason wife divorcing husband after 15 years backed: ‘last straw’

Losing a child is every parent’s worst nightmare but for one couple, it is sadly their reality.

A 36-year-old Reddit user deleted her account after seeking advice on her marriage, which has broken down following the death of their six-year-old.

She explained that her daughter died two years ago in a car accident when her husband Liam, 36, was driving. He spent four weeks in intensive care and went into shock when he discovered his child had passed away.

“Ever since then, Liam has completely withdrawn from me,” she wrote. “He took off all the pictures which contained our daughter, turned her room into his study, and pretended as if our daughter never existed. I knew he was grieving, many times I had heard him silently weeping in our daughter’s room.”

A stock image shows a woman looking sadly at a wedding ring. Reddit users have backed a grieving wife who is thinking about leaving her husband.
Pheelings Media/iStock/Getty Images Plus

The woman has suggested therapy but every time she mentions it, her husband becomes angry and often disappears for a couple of days.

She said: “he yells, he breaks things and storms off.”

These days, he “completely avoids” his wife and has lashed out when she explained this isn’t what their daughter would have wanted.

With barely any family to rely on, the woman feels “horrible and completely useless” and she is considering a divorce.

She wrote: “The last straw was a couple of months ago, when I had told him if he doesn’t get into therapy, I’d file for a divorce. He coldly smiled at me, and thanked me for showing him my true colors, he told me to go ahead with the divorce since I seem so eager to ditch him.”

Newsweek discussed the Reddit post, that has more than 11,000 upvotes with Lucy Poxon, a counseling psychologist.

She said: “The loss of a child is arguably one of the most traumatic life events that we can experience and will change the way we experience the world and others forever. One of several myths about grief is that parents will grieve similarly for a child they shared but in fact they will have very different responses to that loss.”

Poxon, a psychology lecturer at the University of East London in the U.K. continued: “Holding an understanding position towards a partner’s distress while you are also managing overwhelming emotional distress is a very difficult task to navigate. It is widely agreed now that ‘healthy’ grief is achieved by finding ways to regularly shift between periods of experiencing the deep pain of remembering, cherishing, missing our loved ones and periods of lighter, reparative day to day tasks.

“Finding ourselves stuck in one of these modes is an entirely normal response to traumatic grief and in supporting roles (as partners) it is very important that the idea of ‘getting grief wrong’ isn’t imposed.”

Poxon added that difficult feelings like guilt and blame can surface around the sudden loss of a child.

“These are often overwhelming emotions to experience and difficult to process alone,” she said. “Fears around hurting others when talking about these emotions can lead to avoidance, anxiety or anger so open discussions about this with a trusted friend or professional outside of the immediate family should be encouraged.

“Another way to feel aligned with a partner is to work towards the shared goal of honoring the life of the child. This could take many forms including family rituals, creating a memorial or raising awareness through charitable events.”

What Do The Comments Say?

At the time of writing, the post had received 2,800 comments since January 3.

One comment with over 4,000 upvotes said: “You’re supposed to be comforting each other. This is all very one-sided and unfair to you. He is not the only one who lost someone and he seems to think that his grief is all that matters.

“You need to take care of yourself too. Yes, grief takes time, but there comes a point where it becomes complicated grief and it sounds like that’s what happening. He needs to get help, but it’s not your job to do that for him.

“I’m so sorry for all that you’ve gone through. You deserve comfort as well. Focus on yourself and do what you need to do, for you.”

Another user said: “It may be he still believes it was his fault, and he’s angry you aren’t holding him accountable or hate him as much as he hates himself. Regardless, please remove yourself from this situation. You deserve to be able to grieve and heal from this without being hurt over and over by your husband.”

Newsweek could not verify the details of the case.

Update 1/08/23 4:36 a.m. ET: This article has been updated to amend Lucy Poxon’s surname.

Anyone seeking help should call The National Domestic Violence Hotline, a free and confidential hotline available 24/7 that can be reached on 1-800-799-7233 or TTY 1-800-787-3224. The Hotline also provides information on local resources. For more information visit https://www.thehotline.org/.