‘I went on 80 dates, got ghosted, catfished and then struggled with burnout’

Dating can be tough, particularly in the age of apps. Once you get to grips with them, it can quickly become addictive to say yes to meeting up with lots of prospective partners.

As summer hits and singles decide to mingle, it’s tempting to fill up those long, hot days and nights with picnics, dinners and drinks, leaving your dating diary packed.

But it’s easy to forget how tiring the hunt for love can be and serial daters may find they are suddenly exhausted and unable to face another evening out.

Those looking for love have now been warned that they are at risk of burnout- like Jasmine, 29, from London experienced.

Jasmine Wong-Denike, 29, from London, has experienced dating burnout first-hand
(Image: Jasmine Wong-Denike)

“When I first moved here, I saw dating as a great way to meet new people, see new areas of London, and get to know great bars and restaurants”, Jasmine says
(Image: Jasmine Wong-Denike)

She tells OK! that since November 2021, she has been on more than 80 dates with over 50 men – and shared the process on her TikTok @jazzdenike.

“When I first moved here, I saw dating as a great way to meet new people, see new areas of London, and get to know great bars and restaurants.

“I got a lot of my energy to date so often because I shared my journey and have enjoyed encouraging others to get back out there”, she explains.

Jasmine has been on an array of dates, from a spin class with lunch afterwards to films and drinks.

While it has mostly been fun, the dating journey has not always been easy
(Image: Jasmine Wong-Denike)

While it has mostly been fun, the journey has not always been easy. Along the way she has been catfished and duped and one man clearly wanted to get her very drunk- which left her feeling uncomfortable.

She added: “One of the worst parts of going on so many dates was honestly the burnout and how getting ghosted or not being attracted to someone really took a toll on my self-esteem.

“No one should ever tie their worth to how others see them, but it’s very easy to do when things are constantly not working out. That’s why I made the decision to take dating breaks throughout the year whenever I felt burnt out or dating stopped being as fun.”

During her breaks, Jasmine took time for herself, making an effort to not use any dating apps and focusing on her mental and physical wellbeing.

She also saw her friends at the times she would have been on dates. Jasmine recommends that others also take some time out if they are struggling with dating burnout.

During her breaks, Jasmine took time for herself, making an effort to not use any dating apps and focusing on her mental and physical wellbeing
(Image: Jasmine Wong-Denike)

“You’re not missing out on anyone by taking time for yourself, and you can’t date happily if you aren’t happy on your own.

“Revisit what you love about your life, spend time with people who uplift you, and rebuild your confidence by finding the things you love about your life again”, Jasmine says.

Jasmine has never arrived at a date, only to walk away before introducing herself, saying she prefers to give prospective partners a chance to open up over one coffee or drink first.

She adds: “I’ve definitely left after the one before, but that’s just to not waste anyone’s time but be kind about it. I think everyone deserves one chance.”

Jasmine always gives prospective partners a chance to open up over one coffee or drink first
(Image: Jasmine Wong-Denike)

Jasmine reveals that the experience of going on multiple dates has overall been positive as she has grown her confidence, made some new friends and discovered London.

She has also learned about what she is looking for in a partner – which she might not have been able to articulate before.

Jasmine says: “I am happy with my dating life now, as I’ve started seeing someone, and I’m happy just seeing where things go.”

Founder of Ignite Dating Michelle Begy has explained the process of burnout. She says: “Frustration with dating is one thing, but sometimes you can become overwhelmed with the process of searching for new people.

“Dating burnout means that you’ll begin to find the whole process a chore and feel unsure why you are so drained.”

Dating expert and founder of Ignite Dating Michelle Begy speaks to OK! about dating burnout and how to avoid it
(Image: Michelle Begy)

Michelle adds that the prospect of bad meet-ups, conversations that fizzle to nothing and bad behaviour can take its toll and cause exhaustion.

“It’s hitting the point where your approach to dating is causing you stress and negatively impacting your mental health”, she says.

She explains that a key mistake is choosing to go on too many dates as you may feel this increases your chances of finding the right person.

However, if you’re struggling with dating burnout and not in the right frame of mind, this can become counterproductive.

“Dating burnout can leave you just going through the motions, showing up to meet someone feeling worn out, distracted and frustrated, which stops the real you shining through.

“If dating is starting to feel like a chore, it’s a sign you are getting burned out. You may experience feelings of hopelessness and a despondent fear that you’ll never meet the right person.

“You may cancel dates at the last minute and may also feel particularly negative about everything to do with dating,” Michelle adds.

Dating Burnout? 5 fresh ways to find love

1. Be more purposeful- set a firm time limit for your scrolling and only say yes to dates you’ll really enjoy. This will leave you with spare time for things you really get satisfaction from.

2. Don’t be afraid to take a total break from dating apps. Give yourself the space and time to reflect and don’t return to it until you are truly excited about dating again.

3. Be open to meeting someone organically – sometimes something as simple as changing your routine or taking up a new pursuit can introduce you to people you’d have never met otherwise.

4. Try short and sweet first dates before committing to something more involved, as they can help you decide if it’s worth investing more time in this person.

5. Ensure you are looking after number one by focusing on self-care, as it will help you return to dating feeling energised and confident.

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