Like many people, Leah spends every Christmas alone. This is how she copes
Leah Selfe and her husband separated when their son, Charlie, was one. Selfe, 35, comes from a small family who don’t spend holidays together.
Her ex, on the other hand, has a sprawling family who love coming together to celebrate Christmas with all the trimmings. So the decision to let Charlie spend Christmas with his dad and his “multitude of siblings and cousins and nephews and aunts and uncles” has always been a no-brainer for Selfe.
“Seeing so many of my friends and family celebrating Christmas online around that time can also be really hard.”
Selfe gains enormous comfort from knowing that as Charlie grows up, he’s forming “a really beautiful bond” with his extended family. However, sending her son to his dad’s celebration has meant that, for more than a decade, Selfe has spent Christmas alone.
When the weather’s dreary, she’ll curl up in bed and watch TV. If the sun’s shining, she’ll head to the beach and perch herself under an umbrella with her beloved sausage dog, Frankie, and a good book. Either way, the business manager at The Productivity Queen, an online platform designed to help women-led businesses, says the day is always “low-key”.
While Selfe is mainly happy keeping to herself on Christmas, she’s finding it more challenging as Charlie grows older. “Seeing so many of my friends and family celebrating Christmas online around that time can also be really hard,” she adds.
Selfe is far from the only person who’ll be spending Christmas alone, says psychologist Carly Dober, director of the Australian Association of Psychologists.
“If you’re someone who likes nature, take yourself out to the beach or the bush and spend the day doing something lovely for yourself.”
Carly Dober
She says there’s a range of reasons why people may not be surrounded by loved ones on December 25. These range from those who are recently separated or widowed, to people who live far from loved ones, are unwell or are estranged from their family.
And spending Christmas alone can generate plenty of emotions. Not only can it draw attention to how lonely you feel, Dober says it shines a spotlight on the “complicated or non-existent relationships” in your life, too.
But being alone on Christmas can still be a joyous experience, Dober says. “If you’re someone who likes nature, take yourself out to the beach or the bush and spend the day doing something lovely for yourself.” If you’re more of a creative type, your ideal day might involve doing arts and crafts, or cooking a delicious meal while listening to music.
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You could also spend time with friends. Dober says there’s been a rise in people choosing to be with friends “because many more people than we might suspect have complicated relationships with their family members”.
Or you could choose to sprinkle more love into the lives of others through volunteering. Dober recommends hopping online to seek out options near you. She says connecting with the community and helping others can not only brighten your day, but make other people’s day as well.
Whatever you choose to do, she advises staying off social media, saying that comparing your day to that of others is unlikely to bring you joy.
If you can’t make Christmas Day itself sing, Dober says there’s nothing wrong with embracing the festive spirit another day.
When Charlie comes home on Boxing Day, Selfe whips up a “lovely breakfast” for the pair before opening presents. “It’s nothing overly spectacular,” she says, “but I try to do something with him so he can recognise he can still have Christmas with everybody, but it’s just done a little bit differently in my place.”
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