‘Rather than Elf on the Shelf, we have Mary and Joseph at our house’

Speaking to my daughters about our upcoming Christmas celebrations, I wanted to know what they felt was the most important aspect of the day.

“Presents – and spending the day in our uncle’s swimming pool!” shouted my 10-year-old. “Eating like a pig and watching crappy Christmas movies in the evening when we’re all too full and tired to move,” my 14-year-old chimed in.

Me? I love that it’s a time when things slow down, your inbox falls silent, and you can spend days eating like a stoner with no societal judgment. The point is, no matter your age, cultural background or religious beliefs, Christmas can mean something different to each of us.

Here, three women share what the foundation of their day is all about.

“It’s about celebrating the birth of Jesus”

Lana Hirth, 29, is a committed Anglican who spends the day in joyful celebration of Jesus.

“I was in the last year of primary school when I began reading the Bible and questioning what my relationship with God should be. It wasn’t like I didn’t know Him; I was growing up in a Catholic family who went to church at Christmas and Easter only, but to me that approach had always felt a little like ‘box ticking’.

I just thought, ‘Lana, if you believe that Jesus died on the cross for us and rose again so that we could get to know God, you need to change the way you live your life.’ When I tuned into my faith, life changed for the better. Even though the world is a mess right now, faith gives me a sense of purpose and hope that everything will be okay in the end.

Going to church was a part of my childhood Christmas. We used to go to service on Christmas Eve, but the day itself was reserved for fun and family rather than any real focus on Jesus. Mum made a big thing out of us cooking together, and then we’d eat a fruit platter while opening presents in the morning before getting down to the business of eating. Santa? Yes, he was a big part of the day as well.

Christmas these days is still fun – I have two young children after all – but the joy is centred around celebrating the birth of Jesus. In the lead-up to the day, we partake in social events run by our church such as Christmas carols. And rather than the usual Elf on the Shelf, we have a Mary and Joseph who travel around our house, and each morning the kids have to work out where they went overnight.

We go to church on Christmas Day, and we still do family lunch, of course. But we’re mindful to keep the focus on why we celebrate. For the kids, this can be opening presents and eating treats, but it will also mean reading stories about the birth of Jesus, doing topical arts-and-crafts and having plenty of robust discussions such as ‘What do you think it would have been like for Mary who couldn’t find a hospital to have her baby in?’ We even throw some birthday things among our food, so they remember we’re celebrating the birth of Jesus.

It doesn’t bother me that Christmas has become so commercial. But sometimes I feel like it’s a missed opportunity because there’s so much more the story of Christmas can offer than presents. God wants people to come to Him and have a relationship with Him and that gives so much meaning and purpose to life.”

“Christmas was mostly about fitting in”

When Nedret Ziyalan, 76, arrived in Australia over 50 years ago, she was keen to assimilate her family as quickly as possible.

“I moved to Australia from my native Turkey in 1970. I had two small children and though we didn’t celebrate Christmas back home in what was and is a secular Muslim country, it was important to me that we take on all the traditions and celebrations of our new country and become as Australian as possible.

I could see Christmas was a big deal here, so I made sure it became a big deal for us too. At a time when bullying the ‘wog kids’ in the playground was common, I wanted my sons to fit in as much as possible and Christmas was one day to do that.

I had to be led by the kids when it came to what we were supposed to be doing in the lead-up to the day as well as the day itself. Santa photos at the shopping centre? A turkey dinner for lunch? How was I to know what was what?

When our tree arrived my devout Muslim mother wasn’t thrilled, but I got around its presence in our home by referring to it as a ‘New Year tree’. I was terrible at being Santa, though; all the kids knew the gift from Santa was from me, and my youngest even got in trouble at school after she gathered all the kids in her kindy class to tell them of ‘the great Santa conspiracy’. Many of her classmates took it badly and I received a call. It was a huge Christmas fail.

“For me, it’s never been about religion, but about my children doing whatever all the other kids were doing and having fun together as a family.”

Nedret Ziyalan

As my children grew, so too did our Christmases, our home becoming the place for our extended family to come and enjoy a traditional lunch and poolside fun. Some members within the Turkish community weren’t thrilled we were celebrating a Christian holiday and made their thoughts clear, but I didn’t care.

For me, it’s never been about religion, but about my children doing whatever all the other kids were doing and having fun together as a family. Once I became a grandmother, I even started dressing up as the Easter bunny to help the little ones find their chocolate eggs.

Today, our Christmases are bigger than ever. Not only do we invite extended family members and friends, but neighbours and Christmas orphans – everybody’s welcome. Over the decades we’ve relaxed our stance on tradition and now serve a solid mix of roast meats and seafood alongside Turkish dishes. I think that’s probably more Australian in 2023 than anything else.”

“I really love the spirit of Christmas”

Jane Stabler, 44, travels long distances each year to be with her extended family.

“Those people who get upset about Christmas decorations being available in stores in September? I’m not one of them. I’m forever buying new and elaborate decorations, and I buy a new Christmas novel every year without fail.

My husband thinks my over-the-top approach to decorating is out of control, but I really love and get into the spirit of Christmas. Much of it is about replicating that carefree feeling of childhood, but mostly it serves as a reminder that my favourite time of year is coming, the time I get to spend with my family.

As immigrants from England, Christmases when I was little were small affairs – just my parents and my twin sister – but they were very traditional. My parents would go hard on the decorations, which were always incredibly British, and there was a strong family element to the occasion.

After we’d spent the whole day enjoying each other’s company, we would be straight on the phone to England to speak with extended family just beginning their festivities over there. I think that focus on family togetherness – and perhaps the decorations – cemented my idea of what Christmas is for me today.

I moved to Sydney from Perth almost 20 years ago, but even so I’ve spent almost every Christmas with my family. The COVID lockdowns aside, I think there are only two or three years when the whole family hasn’t been together. I have either flown back to WA to be with them – even after I got married and became a mother in 2019 – or my family has come to Sydney.

I get excited in the lead-up because I know Christmas is the one time of year when we can down tools, step away from busy jobs and spend a good chunk of time in each other’s company without the usual interruptions.

I’m not saying our family Christmases are perfect. Just like everyone else, we’ll stress about silly things and will have arguments over who’s making what. But in a world where people are increasingly disconnected from others, the fact that I have a team of people to bicker with can feel like a gift.

This year we’re doing things a little differently, flying first to Perth for an early Christmas celebration with my parents and my sister’s family before flying to London to spend the big day with my sister-in-law, who’s desperate to spend time with her niece.

I’m excited about the idea of visiting Christmas markets, and I’d sell my kidney for snow on Christmas Day, but despite the bells and whistles of a traditional event, I’m most excited about seeing my daughter surrounded by the people who love her most.”

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