I can’t tell you what made me download Tinder after swearing that I’d never use the app again. Maybe it was the lonely nights, maybe I wanted to go on lavish dates like my friends or maybe I was hopeful that it would be different than the last time. Whatever the reason, I was humiliated once again and swore off the app for good.
To make matters worse, I picked the wrong time to go back on the app. It was around the same time when news broke that a lady had been murdered by someone she had met on Tinder so almost everyone was deleting the app from their phone. I, on the other hand, couldn’t hit that download button fast enough. It was like a moth to a flame – instead of staying away, I became more drawn to the app.
However, I was cautious. Before I started downloading the app, I made a few rules for myself:
No matching with Nigerians or Kenyans
No meeting people I didn’t feel comfortable with
The talking stage is no less than a month
Tell someone who I’m meeting
I was confident that I would be successful despite the reputation that the app had. Additionally, I thought the rules would keep me safe from guys with ill intentions which increased my chances of success.
My first rule was that I wouldn’t match with Nigerians or Kenyans. So, I was very limited on who I could match with. Most of the ones I swiped right on were white men and though they weren’t my cup of tea, I was willing to try something new. Most of them weren’t a match so I guess I wasn’t their cup of tea either. I was feeling discouraged and rejected before I finally got my first match.
“Hey, sexy lady.” He messaged me immediately after we matched.
“Hi.” I messaged him back instantly.
“What are you doing?”
“Preparing dinner.”
“Nice. What are you cooking?”
I was preparing ugali and beans but I lied that I was making spaghetti bolognese to seem more sophisticated. We talked for a while and I was surprised that I could hold an interesting conversation with him. I always thought that white people had strange interests and that I would be able to relate with them but I was happily surprised.
For the next month, Jeff talked to me every day. Whether he was just checking up on me or telling me about something interesting that happened to him, he made sure to involve me in his life which made me feel special. I even started telling my friends that I had met a new guy.
“Guys, I think I’m catching feelings for someone,” I said excitedly.
“What? Who is it?”
“His name is Jeff. I met him on Tinder. We’ve been talking every day.”
“Tinder? Why are you still in that app after everything that has happened?”
“Don’t worry. I have a plan.”
“Well, just be careful.”
I was careful. However, I was so focused on not meeting a potential murderer that I forgot that there were other problems with Tinder like catfishing. The problem was still very real as I would come to learn but at the moment, it was the furthest thing from my mind.
Since we had been talking for more than a month, I felt like I could meet Jeff in person without worrying. He had been asking me out and I finally agreed.
“We can meet tomorrow.” I messaged him.
“Great. I can’t wait to see you. Can you come to Karen? There’s a nice hotel here where we can meet.”
“Okay. Send me the pin.”
I left the house around 6 pm and got to the hotel around 6.20 pm. There was very little activity there so all the waiters just hovered around me, waiting to take my order. I messaged Jeff letting him know that I had arrived then continued looking at the menu, trying to buy time. Eventually, I ordered a cocktail to keep me busy as I waited.
An hour went by without any word from Jeff, then another went by and I knew something was wrong. I tried to contact him several times but he didn’t reply. I was getting concerned for him since he was an older guy and could experience health issues at any moment.
Thankfully, I had some money to pay for the cocktail. Jeff had also sent me his home address as well so instead of going home, I went to his place.
Nothing would have prepared me for the shock I got when I got there. The house was gorgeous just as I expected but it was the person I found there that nearly made me think I was losing my mind. When I got out of the Uber, I tried to contact Jeff once again but my messages went unanswered.
The gateman must have heard my footsteps. He came to check who it was.
“Hello, madam. Are you lost?” He said.
“No. I’m here to meet Jeff.”
“Who is Jeff?”
“The owner of this house.”
“There’s nobody called Jeff that lives here.”
“Is this not the right location?” I said, showing him the address on my phone.
“Yes, this is the right place.”
“Okay. Is this the owner?” I said, showing him Jeff’s Tinder profile.
“I’ve never seen that man in my life.”
I instantly felt a cold chill inside my body after realizing that I had been catfished. However, that wasn’t the worst part. The gateman was so helpful and wanted to know who had been lying to me and probably many other girls using his employer’s house.
“Can I see the WhatsApp number he was using to message you?” He requested.
“Sure.”
I showed it to him and he got the same look on his face that I had when I realized I had been catfished.
“This is Sam’s number.”
“Who is Sam?”
“Sam is our daytime gateman.”
At that point, I was too confused to be angry. I couldn’t believe that I had been talking to the gateman for more than a month and I didn’t figure it out. The other gateman sympathized with me and offered to report his colleague to the homeowner but I refused.
I went back home in tears, not because I had been catfished but because I had become so desperate that I couldn’t see the signs that I was being catfished. After that experience, I deactivated my Tinder account and deleted the app.
This story is partly based on @promise193’s post.
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