A woman has revealed how she is trying to persuade her husband to not go and visit his terminally ill mother abroad – but others are telling her not to guilt trip him for her personal feelings
She is trying to persuade her husband to not go over Christmas (Stock Photo) (
Image: Getty Images)
A woman has been slammed for revealing that she asked her husband not to visit his mum over Christmas – as it has already caused huge issues in their marriage.
She claimed his family “treat him terribly” but as his mum, who lives abroad, has been diagnosed with stage three cancer, he wants to visit her before Christmas. However, she revealed they are struggling financially and her husband would be turning down a week of well-paid work to go and see his mum. She’s told him how she feels but has been told to stop guilt-tripping him into not going and damaging their marriage.
“My husband recently lost his job due to being quite irresponsible and disrespectful to his seniors in a role that could be stopped at any point as it’s agency work. He is the main earner, I went part-time to accommodate his career. He’s been out of work for 3 weeks now and our boiler also broke today – I’m barely sleeping with worry. Prior to the job loss he’d booked a trip to see his Mum the week before Xmas who lives overseas and has cancer – she has stage 3 with a 40% survival rate for 5 years, so it’s devastating,” she explained in an anonymous post on Mumsnet.
She further detailed how he was going alone while their son was at school and they had recently been there for a few days as a family last month. Speaking about their finances, she said: “We are in a precarious financial situation as our son got into risky trading a few years back and we essentially lost our savings,” and that her husband’s family “treat him terribly” and recalled that in the past they have previously spent all of their spare cash “going over, only to be ignored, guilted and insulted.”
The mum then explained how despite having a close relationship with his mum, it’s “one way” and she “relies” on him for emotional support She said: “This has caused huge issues in our marriage and the way she treated me, particularly when I was postpartum and had a big bereavement, still makes me feel upset. She is different now, but other family members are still the same.” She also recently found out that her husband’s parents used to “hit him in the face” when he was a child and are “very controlling”, and now she’s angry they did this to him as a child.
As they are struggling with their finances, another reason she doesn’t want her husband to go is that he will be turning down some high-paid shifts that would significantly help them for the next month. “So him going would mean us making ourselves financially very vulnerable. If she was really unwell, of course, we’d move heaven and earth, but right now she’s well aside from some tiredness.”
She then stated she’s suggested going over as soon as the couple have “a bit more stability” in January or February, but many mums were quick to chime in with their thoughts. “Guilt-tripping him will be damaging to you both. It has to be his decision, with no pressure from you. He’ll resent you if/when his mother dies if you handle it badly,” one mum wrote. While another added: “Personally if your DH mum is currently stable, then I think the first priority should be your DS and doing everything you can to keep a roof over his head.”
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