When people wind up at the emergency room to get an object removed from, uh… down there, there’s one excuse that always pops up. “I fell on it.” Yeah, you’d be surprised by the weird and wacky things people have “accidentally fallen” on. From a whole coconut to a dog toy, the human imagination (and desperation) knows no bounds when finding new ways to get a little… gratification.
Related: 10 of the Weirdest Things Women Have Done with Their Placentas
10 Eel
In a bizarre medical case that reads like the plot of a slapstick comedy, a 50-year-old patient in Hong Kong found himself in a rather precarious situation after attempting to use a live eel as an unconventional remedy for constipation. The individual had the misguided idea that inserting the 20-inch (50-cm) aquatic creature into his rectum would provide relief. However, the eel—known for its keen sense of smell and predatory instincts—had other plans.
Rather than serving as a makeshift laxative, the eel decided to assert its dominance, biting the patient’s colon and causing a 1.3-inch (3-cm) perforation. This led to an emergency laparotomy and the installation of a colostomy, much to the patient’s chagrin. One can only imagine his mortification, explaining to the medical staff how he ended up in such a slippery situation.
While using eels as a suppository may seem like the stuff of urban legends, this case reminds us that such practices can have serious consequences. Doctors were likely left scratching their heads, wondering how to properly document this unusual incident in the patient’s medical records.
Fortunately, the patient fully recovered, though the eel’s fate remains unknown. One can only hope it was returned to its aquatic home, wiser and warier of future attempts at unconventional medical treatments.
9 Deodorant
When it comes to the strange objects people have managed to “accidentally” insert into their orifices, the humble deodorant stands out as a true champion of the strange. It seems some men just can’t resist the allure of shoving a good old can of spray-on odor protection where the sun don’t shine.
One such case involved a 23-year-old man in Saudi Arabia who, for reasons known only to himself, decided to stuff an entire aerosol deodorant can up his rectum. Perhaps he was hoping for a more “refreshing” bowel movement, or maybe he just really wanted to smell like a fresh summer breeze—down there. His experiment in personal hygiene gone wild landed him in the hospital with some rather unpleasant lower abdominal pain.
Doctors have reported removing these slippery cylinders from all manner of uncomfortable places, often with the patient claiming they “accidentally” fell on it. Yeah, right. It’s a wonder these folks don’t just invest in some proper adult toys and spare themselves the trip to the emergency room.
8 Instant Coffee Jar
Who would have thought that a jar of instant coffee could double as a, shall we say, personal pleasure device? According to the records of strange objects people have “fallen” on, the instant coffee jar has a rather stimulating history.
These jars, known for providing a quick caffeine fix, have found a new use among the more adventurous—or accident-prone—members of society. Their cylindrical shape and smooth glass exterior make them popular for those seeking a little DIY excitement.
One can only imagine the awkward doctor’s visits that have resulted from over-eager experiments with these java receptacles:
“Yes, doctor, I slipped and fell… onto my instant coffee jar. Repeatedly.”
“Sure, Jan.”
Of course, we shouldn’t judge—to each their own when finding creative ways to perk themselves up.
7 Kong Dog Toy
A Kong is a classic dog chew toy. And I guess it’s a popular plaything for humans now, too. This rubber-made, hollow, and oddly shaped object has been in some compromising positions over the years.
While the Kong was originally designed to be stuffed with treats to keep Fido entertained, some people have found an even more creative use for this durable doggy toy. With its squishy, phallic-like form and sturdy construction, the Kong has become a surprising addition to the bedroom for those seeking a little extra excitement.
One Amazon reviewer hilariously lamented, “I’ll never be able to look at my dog’s toys the same way again.” Veterinarians worldwide are likely grimacing at the thought, cautioning pet owners to keep their personal tendencies separate from their four-legged friends’ playthings. But for the daring few, just be sure to give it a good wash before Rover gets his turn.
6 Cement
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When it comes to the strangest objects people have “fallen” on, cement certainly takes the cake—or perhaps more accurately, the concrete. An American doctor once treated a 20-year-old man who, in the throes of passion, decided to add a unique ingredient to his intimate activities: cement.
We all know cement is great for construction projects, paving driveways, and giving your bathroom that sleek, modern look. But cement is not meant for bodily orifices. The poor young man in question thought introducing cement into the bedroom via a rather creative—and highly inadvisable—method involving a funnel would be a good idea. Unsurprisingly, the cement quickly hardened, leading to a panicked trip to the emergency room.
Cement is renowned for its strength and durability. Still, those are not exactly the qualities one wants in an intimate companion. Unless you want to create a permanent bond, it’s best to keep the cement firmly in its place—on the construction site, not in the boudoir.
5 Potatoes
While we typically think of potatoes as innocent side dishes or the key ingredient in our favorite comfort foods, these unassuming spuds have a secret life as bedroom companions. It’s no yam-azing revelation that sex toy enthusiasts have long been experimenting with produce as a DIY alternative to the real deal. And the potato, with its phallic shape and firm texture, has become a surprising favorite.
The potato’s use as an impromptu sex toy dates back centuries. Ancient Romans were known to carve intricate designs into potatoes and use them for personal pleasure. And during World War II, when resources were scarce, many a GI is said to have turned to the humble spud to, ahem, “relieve stress.” Even a vicar found himself with a potato up his bum while hanging curtains…naked!
The next time you’re perusing the produce aisle, remember—the potato’s potential extends far beyond the kitchen. Just be sure to give it a good scrub before use. After all, you don’t want any unwanted sprouts in the bedroom.
4 High Heel
Who would have thought that a simple shoe designed to elevate one’s height and highlight the legs could also double as an intimate bedroom accessory? The high heel has a naughty secret.
These towering instruments of fashion have found a new calling in the realm of erotic exploration. The sharp, tapered heel has a certain allure for thrill-seeking enthusiasts, promising a spicy twist on traditional playtime. Imagine the delicious contrast—the sleek, stylish exterior juxtaposed with its newfound carnal purpose.
But let’s remember the risks involved. Improperly wielding a stiletto can lead to some… unintended consequences. One Reddit user recounts the tale of a boyfriend who loved having the heel inserted, only to end up in the emergency room after a vigorous session. Ouch!
Still, for the daring and flexible, the high heel offers a unique avenue for sensory exploration. Just be sure to start slow, communicate clearly, and keep a first aid kit handy.
3 Candle Stick
Some adventurous individuals have taken the age-old adage “let’s spice things up” a bit too literally when it comes to their intimate lives. One such case involves the curious incident of the candlestick in the boudoir.
According to the medical reports, a patient was discovered with a candlestick lodged in a rather delicate area, the result of an apparent sexual mishap. One can only imagine the scene—a desperate attempt to add a touch of fiery passion, only to be met with a searing pain and an embarrassing trip to the emergency room.
The humble candlestick, a household item typically associated with ambiance and romance, has now taken on a whole new meaning in bedroom antics gone wrong. Its tapered design, once meant to elegantly illuminate a space, has now become a source of alarm for those who have misjudged its, shall we say, “insertability.”
While the specifics of this particular case remain in mystery, one can’t help but wonder about the thought process (or lack thereof) that led to this unconventional choice of bedroom accessory. Alas, the only mystery remains how this individual will ever be able to look at a candlestick the same way again.
2 Lightbulb
How exactly does one “accidentally” end up with a fragile glass bulb lodged in their rectum or vagina? It’s a question that has vexed medical professionals for decades.
One would think that in a world filled with purpose-built sex toys, often available for discreet home delivery, there would be little need to resort to makeshift options. And yet, the lightbulb remains a popular choice. Perhaps it’s the thrill of using an everyday household item in such an unorthodox manner. Or maybe it’s the challenge of extraction should things go awry.
Whatever the motivation, the lightbulb’s structural weaknesses make it a risky proposition. As one colorectal surgeon explains, “the main worry is perforation of the bowel”—not to mention the potential for the bulb to shatter inside, creating an even more dangerous situation. Traction on the bulb can also create a hazardous vacuum effect, causing it to retreat further up the rectum or vagina.
So it seems the lightbulb is best left illuminating your living room—not your nether regions.
1 A Whole Coconut
According to the case report in the British Journal of Surgery, one unfortunate individual got a coconut lodged in their posterior for a full two days before seeking medical attention.
Now, one has to wonder—how does one even insert an entire coconut into such a sensitive area? Was this a misguided attempt at a homemade sex toy gone wrong? Or perhaps the individual decided to try a new form of constipation relief. Whatever the reason, the result was undoubtedly a rather uncomfortable and awkward trip to the emergency room.
Coconuts are known for their hard, unyielding shells, which likely made the extraction process a difficult one for the poor medical staff tasked with the operation. One can only imagine the relief (and possibly embarrassment) the patient felt when the fruit was finally removed.
While using everyday household items as makeshift sex toys may seem like a cost-effective solution, it’s important to remember that the vagina and rectum are delicate environments that require body-safe materials. The old saying goes, “When life gives you coconuts, don’t stick them inside yourself.”
fact checked by
Rachel Jones
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