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Watch Insight’s episode Advice on Tuesday 27 June at 8.30 on SBS or
From the moment my daughter Charlie was born, I’ve been drowning in a sea of unsolicited or “well-meaning” parenting advice.
As a dad, it’s like I have a neon sign on my forehead that screams, “Tell me how to raise my kid!”
And because I’ve been raising my now 11-year-old daughter by myself since she was two, the advice for me is even louder.
“Must” and “need” are words I’ve come to know well.
Family members, friends, even complete strangers, feel compelled to share their pearls of wisdom, whether I’ve asked for them or not.
And the worst advice I hear? That every little girl “needs” her mother to have any chance of a relatively happy, normal and balanced life.
Michael says he receives a “barrage” of parenting advice from family members, friends and even strangers. Source: Supplied
I find this barrage of advice both amusing and irritating, but also harmful.
Despite my 60 years of wisdom, it makes me worry that I may be clueless without a parenting rule book, that I’m unequipped to handle the inevitable challenges of raising a daughter.
The advice chips away at my confidence as a competent father and drowns out the gentle whispers of my intuition, leaving me wondering: Am I enough? Can I be?
In fact, I wonder what I’m doing wrong because, while I hear about how hard, sleepless and demanding parenting is, the experience is actually the most fun I’ve ever had.
As a solo dad, Michael says people tell him that a girl “needs her mother to have any chance of a relatively happy, normal and balanced life”. Source: Supplied
But worse than fostering doubt in myself, the unsolicited advice also fosters doubt in my daughter.
It sends a message that my efforts are insufficient, that my role is less valuable.
I believe parenting is like riding a spaceship; none of us really knows what we’re doing, but through the chaos we’ll figure it out, via some intergalactic detours and laughter-filled adventures.
Advice for advice-givers
To all the unsolicited advice-givers out there, I would suggest a moment to pause and reflect.
I would remind you that I may not have all the answers, but I give my daughter an abundance of love and dedication.
The advice chips away at my confidence as a competent father…leaving me wondering: Am I enough? Can I be?
Fathers, just like mothers, have their own perspectives and approaches to raising their children. We must recognise and trust in their innate abilities without constantly imposing our opinions.
It’s unacceptable to criticise a woman’s leadership in the corporate space if it differs from a man’s. We finally recognise that different perspectives can bring about positive change.
The same principle applies to parenting; fathers bring a diversity of approaches to the table.
Michael says society should better respect men’s parenting abilities. Source: Supplied
By showing the next generation that we respect fathers’ abilities and choices, we will create a healthier environment for our children and a more equitable society, with men accepted as equally capable and responsible as parents.
We’ll create an environment where fathers feel empowered to find their own unique parenting style.
Fathers, like all parents, have their own stories to tell and their own lessons to learn. Unsolicited advice blurs the lines of their narrative, stifling their growth and denying them the opportunity to embrace their own remarkable journey.
By supporting, uplifting and celebrating each other, we can create a better future for our families.
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