Taylor Swift New Album The Tortured Poets Department Review: Every Thought We Had While Listening

“This has to be a quill song, right?” —AM

“This sounds like…folkmore?” —DS

“This is one of the sadder songs so far. A melancholy Taylor with the line she teased us with, ‘I wish I could un-recall how we almost had it all.’ Changes Love of my Life to Loss of my Life in that final line!” —SB

“That was Joe tho, right?” —CW

“Def Matty to me.” —ET

“I think FolkloreEvermore/Midnights were more Joe albums than people realized and now he’s done dusted and this is about the Matty chapter.” —AM

Track 13: “I Can Do It With a Broken Heart”

“A bop!” —AM

“ABSOLUTE BANGER!!!! I am already dancing.” —SB

“Is this about doing Eras after breaking up with Joe?” —SR

“‘I’m so depressed I act like it’s my birthday!’” —ET

“‘I cry a lot but I’m so productive it’s an art,’ really speaks to my Capricorn sun, Cancer moon.” —AM

“I love a depression bop. Chappell Roan does them so well too.” —ET

“I’m surprised this isn’t the single…it’s going to be all over TikTok.” —SM

“Yeah, this is the song.” —DS

“I’m miserable and no one knows…drag me.” —SM

“Crying in the club is my favorite genre.” —AM

“This is the sing-a-long (shout-a long) song of the album by far. Will be a big concert hit for sure.” —SB

Track 14: “The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived”

“This sounds like it got left on the Evermore cutting floor.” —AM

“This is a masterclass in taking down a situationship in song. It is brutal and brilliant. Imagine being the person she wrote this about? ‘The slide into inboxes’ is going to speak to so many!” —SB

“Daaaaaaaang Matty ghosted her.” —CW

“He looks like a ghost.” —SR

“He looks like a ghost and a ghoster.” —DS

“Sooo basically she was willing to deal with the backlash but he dipped out…to quote Sandoval.” —AM

“Is this….Sandoval’s anthem? Taylor is Sandoval and Raquel is Matty?” —SM

“Wait..wait…if the emotions I’m getting from this are right…what if she and British boy 1 (Joe) didn’t have such a bad breakup and it just fizzled. What if Matty ACTUALLY broke her heart and her over-the-top PR stuff with Travis is sort of to get back at HIM.” —DS

“I mean he kinda is the smallest man who ever lived.” —AM

“As the New Yorker said: It has been alleged online that Healy is actually, secretly, five feet five inches tall.” —CW

“DO NOT FORGET that Matty Healy also inspired that rat in that film.” —DS

Track 15: “The Alchemy”

“I’m bored, give me more depression bops.” —SM

“I’m ready to skip this song which means it’ll be my favorite in a week.” —AM

“Heroin but this time with an e lol. Feminism!” —DS

Track 16: “Clara Bow”

“Taylor’s Grammy look all coming together with this Clara Bow song. I love that Clara was a scandalous silent movie star, people have described her as the OG ‘It girl.’”

“A 1975 reference?” —CW

“I love this album already but if AOTY doesn’t go to Cowboy Carter the way I will riot…” —AM

Final thoughts?

“I can never give my opinions on a Taylor album after first listen but: I’m still a Folklore/Evermore girly, but I can imagine this might be my third favorite.” —ET

“I’m already waiting for the inevitable Robyn-inspired dance album that will be about Trav (whether or not they break up).” —CW

“I’m impressed she has this much drama in her life at our age.” —SM

“Well, I have now finished my first Taylor Swift album in entirety.” —Jazmin Gathers, social media manager

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